6 Things you should never force your child to do
6 things you should never force a child to do
‘Finish everything on your plate.’ ‘Give uncle a kiss.’ ‘Take the swimming class.’Kids don’t know what is the best for them.
So, parents have to do the honours and force them into things, essential for their well-being. Even if it means pushing too hard too young.
Sounds true of you as a parent?Contrary to the popular perception, forcing children to do things can backfire.
Here are a few cases in which using force with kids could be an ineffective approach.
Never force your child to show physical affection towards relatives
Urging your kid to hug, sit on the lap of or engage in other forms of physical contact with relatives against their will may teach him to accept violation of their intimate space, making them vulnerable to sexual abuse.It’s important that you respect your kid’s body. Declining physical affection to people in a position of authority does not amount to bad behaviour.
Instead: An alternative in social situations could be fist bumps or handshakes. This can be a lesson in boundaries for both children and adults.
Never force your child to apologize before he is ready
Forcefully extracting an apology from kids when they don’t mean it can perpetuate feelings of anger and shame. What is more important than saying the golden word, ‘sorry’ is an encouragement to talk about the problem at hand.Instead: Let the kids first identify what they’ve done wrong.
Give them time to cool off and let them come up with ideas to make up for their misconduct.This is more effective in terms of repairing relationships in the long run. Allow the learning to precede the apology, which is then more likely to be genuine.
Never force your child to read
Most parents would love their kids to be ‘smart’ bibliophiles but coercion takes the joy out of reading. Mandatory reading against their desire may lead to them not understanding that reading can be done for pleasure.
Instead: Read aloud to your children to get them excited about books. According to research, motivation to read declines with age. Start early. Kids do as you do. If you want to instill the habit of reading, let them see you read. For starters, expose them to picture books, have them help you make grocery lists or play board games that involve reading written instructions.
Never force your child into extracurricular activities regardless of his wishes
Many parents want to live vicariously through their kids. Inadvertently, they end up burdening kids with their own unrealised dreams. This may result in anxiety and eventually a tendency to drop out of commitments.
Instead: Let the choice of the activity be theirs. All children are not equal. Some may display artistic aplomb while some may excel in sports. Free play is also critical. Unscheduled play time can strengthen social bonds as well as boost cognitive skills and physical health.
Never force-feed your child
New parents, take note. Constant force tactics like threats to get kids to eat has been found to result in negative long-term effects. Such kids are more likely to feel loss of control and helplessness. They also tend to develop food aversions. There are many components to eating apart from health– taste, texture, appetite and temperament.
Instead: Create circumstances conducive for kids to eat well. They are more likely to consume the food they see their parents eating. Make food ‘fun’.
Never force your child to share
We have all grown up listening to profound sayings like ‘Sharing is Caring’. Of course, we want our kids to be generous. However, forcing a child to give up their toys may lead to a feeling of entitlement in the recipient and shame the one playing with the toy.
Instead: Focus on empathetic sharing instead of forced sharing. The no-share policy in many international schools aims at cultivating delayed gratification amongst kids who have to wait for their turn as other kids are done playing.
Republished with permission from: theIndusparent
Read: 5 Reasons why you should never force your child to hug people
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