"The road to intimacy is paved with ruptures and repairs."
As perfect as your marriage may be, there's no doubt that you've hit a bump from time to time. Have no fear, marital fights are regular and even healthy in some cases. Dr. Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., and author of The 30-Day Love Detox firmly believes that "The road to intimacy is paved with ruptures and repairs."
That said, even though you'll fight from time to time, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be playing nice. There are in fact rules and guidelines to fighting as a happy married couple.
Mom and dad, don't go overboard with your spousal fights, and don't go off the deep end! Check out the 9 guidelines and rules, as suggested by Walsh, that all married couples follow when fighting:
1. Listen to one another
It's difficult to keep a level head in a heated argument, but no matter what, happy couples will hear what their partner has to say during a fight. Lend a listening ear and try to empathize with your spouse on some level, and consider their perspective. You might not agree with them in the heat of the moment, but as Walsh claims, "The person who is not being heard will find somebody to listen, and that person will be either a lover or a lawyer."
2. Take time to respond
When in an argument or spat with your spouse, it can be easy to blurt out things that you don't mean. When angry, people tend to use the meanest, and rudest things that come to mind as a recourse, and this should definitely be avoided when fighting with your one and only. Take the time to pause before each response. You need to realize that once something is said, it can't be unheard, and sometimes words cut deep. Take the time to choose your words carefully!
3. Own up to your feelings
Basically, this means taking responsibility for what you feel. Dr. Walsh says, "Don’t begin sentences with 'you'. You need to take full responsibility of your feelings. Instead of saying, 'You’re making me angry,' try, 'I feel angry when…' This helps your partner feel less defensive and more willing to listen to what you’re saying."
In accordance with guideline #2, you need to take the time you need to verbalize what's really on your mind, and in a constructive way. However, you also need to take responsibility and ownership of your emotions instead of using confusing, unclear language.
Play nice, husbands and wives! Don't break these guidelines and rules when fighting with your partner!