REAL STORIES: A Mother’s Journey Embracing Neurodiversity and Autism as a Superpower—“The Sooner You Seek Help for Your Child, the Better.”

Stephanie Zubiri, a devoted mother of two boys—Max, eight, and Sebastian, ten—navigates the vibrant and often complex journey of parenting, particularly as one of her children is on the autism spectrum. As a wellness advocate and author of the children’s book Chalky the Chameleon, she shares her insights on embracing neurodiversity, emphasizing the importance of understanding, early detection, and acceptance. Her experiences illuminate the beauty and challenges of raising a neurodivergent child while fostering an inclusive family environment.

Who is Stephanie Zubiri?

At her core, Stephanie Zubiri identifies as a writer and a creative spirit. “If there’s one thing that defines me, it’s that I’m a writer,” she asserts. With a rich background as a lifestyle journalist and editor, Zubiri has also ventured into broadcasting, television, and content creation. Yet, she feels most at home in the world of writing and storytelling.

In 2017, she released a book that blended cookbook recipes with travel narratives, fulfilling a long-held dream of producing a children’s book for her kids while they were still young. “I would tell them stories, and they actually preferred my made-up stories over actual books. Chalky, the chameleon, was a favorite character. His story started as one of self-discovery and adventure, not specifically related to autism at that time,” she recalls.

Zubiri’s storytelling often featured endearing characters like a clumsy octopus or an artsy spider, reflecting her children’s love for animals. “I wanted to create stories that they could connect with,” she explains.

The pandemic ignited a new creative passion within her. “I wrote a story during that time, but it hit differently when I had a purpose and an advocacy, which sparked a creative fire in me,” she notes. Becoming more active in the autism community led her to publicly share her son Max’s diagnosis when he was seven. “This was a very conscious decision because it’s his journey and his story to tell,” she emphasizes. “When he felt comfortable sharing, I asked for his permission. I wanted him to embrace his identity and feel proud of his journey.”

One touching moment was when Max introduced himself in a video: “Hey, I’m Max and I have autism.” This affirmation inspired Zubiri to connect her personal story to her book. With the help of an illustrator on the spectrum whose artwork resonated with her vision, everything fell into place perfectly.

Recognizing the Signs: Early Detection and Acceptance

Zubiri’s journey with Max has taught her the critical importance of early detection and acceptance. “I didn’t notice any issues until he reached toddlerhood,” she reflects. “Max was always verbal, which is fortunate because many neurodivergent children are nonverbal. I didn’t see any concerns until he was about two or three years old when he started having lengthy tantrums, which I attributed to typical toddler behavior.”

Looking back, she recognizes the signs that indicated Max was different. “He didn’t like participating in preschool activities and often seemed detached from other children. He hated crowded places and birthday parties because of the noise. He would cover his ears and dislike bright lights,” she recalls. It was a close friend with experience in education who suggested having Max tested for autism, a pivotal moment in Zubiri’s journey.

“Getting the diagnosis was really crestfallen and scary,” she admits. “I was a fully single mom during the pandemic, unsure of what the future held. But I knew I needed to get whatever help he needed.” Zubiri emphasizes, “It’s easy to scale back on therapy, but it’s much harder to catch up if you miss that window. Early detection and intervention are crucial. Our developmental pediatrician mentioned that until the age of seven, the child’s neural pathways are still forming. So, it’s really malleable. You can rewire the brain after seven, but there’s still a little bit of neuroplasticity, but it’s still harder because you’re teaching them the coping skills and unlearning negative behaviors.”

Perspectives on Motherhood

Zubiri’s identity as a mother extends beyond the label of a parent to a child with autism. She emphasizes, “I’m a mother of two. My son Sebastian has his own talents and needs for attention.” This dual focus helps her to find emotional fulfillment in her parenting journey, where every small moment of connection brings immense joy.

“After Max’s diagnosis, I had to shift my personal goals and seek purpose in my work and personal life,” she shares. The challenges posed by the pandemic led her to redefine success, focusing on the alignment of her work with personal fulfillment and social impact.

Nurturing Love and Respect in the Family

Stephanie emphasizes the crucial role her partner, Scott, plays in their sons’ lives: “Scott, my partner, who is really their dad, puts them to bed; he’s so dedicated to them. They know that love exists in this world, and you just have to cultivate it and nurture it. As a woman, they also see how he treats me super well, and they treat me super well. They won’t pick on me; they’ll pick on him, but they won’t pick on me. They’re very considerate just by example. I’m grateful to Scott because I think as a mother of boys, the best way to teach young boys how to treat women is really through example, so they see it.”

This insight underscores the importance of modeling healthy relationships and respect within the family, laying a foundation for their sons to develop into empathetic individuals.

Personal Growth and Advocacy

In addition to her writing and advocacy, Zubiri has developed the “Soulful Feast” platform, centered on wellness and women’s empowerment. “I believe women need to embrace their identities and take space in society,” she asserts. “It’s important for us to share our stories and support one another.”

Parenting Philosophy

Zubiri’s parenting philosophy centers on teaching values such as kindness, compassion, and understanding. “I emphasize emotional awareness and encourage my children to express their feelings,” she explains. “Modeling behavior is vital; my partner treats me with respect, and we impart those values to our children.”

As Max progressed in school, eventually attending a Montessori program, he began to notice the differences in his educational experience. Curiously, he asked, “Why do I have two schools?” This prompted a heartfelt conversation with Stephanie and Sebastian. “We explained to him, ‘You have autism, and you know what? You have a superpower, and it’s amazing,’” Stephanie recalls. This positive framing helped Max embrace his identity with pride.

Now, the topic of autism is openly discussed in their home. The family celebrated when Max completed his time at the therapy center—not so much as a graduation, but as a transition, since the center needed to allocate resources to other children with more intensive needs. “He’s always welcome to return when he needs support, but he’s doing well,” Stephanie notes. She emphasizes how far Max has come, sharing a moment from a family dinner where he felt proud of his progress. “We maintain an open dialogue about autism, reinforcing that there’s no shame in seeking help,” she says, highlighting the importance of support in their journey.

Observations of Sibling Dynamics

Stephanie Zubiri delights in the affectionate bond between her sons, Max and Sebastian. “Witnessing their caring interactions fills me with pride,” she shares. “Their connection and empathy are truly heartwarming.” She emphasizes the depth of their relationship, noting, “They hold hands, hug, and kiss each other. There’s a special love between them that makes my heart soar. It’s a bond that’s hard to teach.”

A touching story illustrates this connection: when they were in grade two and grade four, Sebastian would walk Max to his classroom every day without her knowing. “I only found out at dinner when Max said, ‘I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to bring you to class anymore.’ I was surprised and asked, ‘You bring him to class every day?’ He smiled and replied, ‘Yeah, I show him.’ That moment captured the essence of their bond, and it’s what I’m most proud of.”

Managing relationships and helping her children navigate friendships is another vital aspect of Stephanie’s parenting philosophy. “I teach them to prioritize compassion and understanding over conflict,” she emphasizes, highlighting the importance of empathy in their social interactions.

Etiquette for Supporting Families with Children on the Spectrum

Throughout her journey, Zubiri has also learned valuable etiquette for supporting families with children on the spectrum, particularly within the Filipino community. Here are some important reminders:

1. Be Respectful: Always treat families with children on the spectrum with respect and kindness. Avoid assumptions or judgments about their situation.
2. Ask Before Touching: Some children with autism may have sensory sensitivities. Always ask permission before touching or engaging physically with the child.
3. Avoid Labels: Use person-first language, such as “a child with autism” instead of labeling them simply as “autistic.”
4. Be Patient: Understand that children on the spectrum may communicate differently and may need extra time to express themselves.
5. Provide Calm Spaces: Recognize that loud environments can be overwhelming. If hosting gatherings, consider creating quiet areas for children who may need a break.
6. Care with Food: Be mindful of the foods you serve at events. Some children on the spectrum may have dietary restrictions or sensitivities. Zubiri recalls a moment when Max came home from a party feeling “loopy” after consuming something that didn’t agree with him.
7. Encourage Acceptance: Foster an inclusive environment where children can feel accepted and understood. Share educational resources about autism with peers and families.
8. Early Detection is Key: Emphasize the importance of recognizing early signs of autism and seeking help promptly. Early acceptance can lead to better outcomes for children.

Proud Moments and Future Aspirations

As she reflects on her journey, Stephanie Zubiri beams with pride at her sons’ growth and the cherished everyday moments that fill her heart with joy. “I am incredibly proud of Max’s progress, from navigating loneliness to being fully integrated into school,” she shares, her voice rich with emotion. Looking ahead, Stephanie aspires to further cultivate the “Soulful Feast” community and amplify her advocacy for women and children on the autism spectrum.

Zubiri’s experience as a mother and advocate embodies a profound spirit of acceptance and love. Her unwavering commitment to understanding and supporting her sons, particularly Max, underscores the transformative power of community and the necessity of embracing neurodiversity. “There’s no shame in getting help, and it’s vital to foster open conversations about autism and its unique challenges,” she emphasizes, encouraging others to join in this important dialogue.

In addition to her advocacy work, Stephanie has penned a charming children’s book titled Chalky the Chameleon, which mirrors her personal journey and highlights the adventures of her son, Max. Through Chalky’s vibrant tale of self-discovery, she seeks to celebrate neurodiversity and nurture understanding among children and families alike. We invite you to explore Chalky the Chameleon, a delightful story that beautifully captures the essence of embracing uniqueness and viewing autism as a superpower.