Age-appropriate ways to talk to your kids about sex

How to talk to kids about sex is one of the most challenging part for parents. Teen pregnancy in the Philippines has been a significant concern, with reports in 2016 indicating that the country had the highest rate in Asia. In 2022, over 56,000 girls aged 10-17 gave birth, with cases among girls aged 10-14 increasing by 35%. The National Economic and Development Authority (NEDA) has declared teenage pregnancy a national emergency.

In response to this alarming trend, the Philippine government has proposed the Prevention of Adolescent Pregnancy Bill (Senate Bill No. 1979). The bill aims to provide a national policy for preventing adolescent pregnancies and institutionalizing social protection for adolescent parents. It emphasizes the importance of comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) that is age-appropriate, culturally sensitive, and medically accurate. The proposed CSE is designed to equip young people with the knowledge and skills to make informed decisions about their sexual and reproductive health.

Age-appropriate guide for teaching your kids about sex.

As Filipino parents, it’s essential to be aware of these developments and understand how they can complement your role in educating your children about sex. While schools may implement CSE as part of the curriculum, your guidance remains crucial in shaping your child’s values and understanding.

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Here’s an age appropriate guide for teaching your kids about sex:

How to talk to kids about sex at age 0 to 2

Kids become curious about their bodies as early as infancy. If you’ll notice, they sometimes touch their genitals during bath time or diaper changes.

Once they become toddlers, they can start touching their “private parts” in public places.

According to Tara Johnson, a sexuality education specialist from Canada, “children learn from their parents’ reaction whether or not their actions are acceptable.”

It’s important not to shame them, though. Just tell them that it is not allowed in public, but that it is “healthy and normal.” Johnson also shares that you can teach them the proper names for their private parts as early as their toddler years, in a matter-of-fact tone. “When you teach a child the correct names for their genitals (penis, scrotum, vulva, vagina, anus), they have no overwhelming shame or shyness around that part of the body ,” say sexual health educator Meg Hickling.

3 to 5

At this age, you may find your kid asking questions like, “where do babies come from?” There’s no need to get into the nitty-gritty of biology. Keep it simple. For instance, you can say that a seed from daddy was planted in mommy’s belly and it grew into a baby.

Make sure they know the difference between “private parts.” A good way to teach this is by using a bathing suit as a marker. Remind them that the parts covered by the suit is private and cannot be touched by anyone. Teach them the difference between “good touch and bad touch.” This will not only educate them, but also keep them safe.

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How to talk to kids about sex at age 6 to 9

At this stage, they should already be gearing up for puberty, so it’s best to prepare them by letting them know the facts. If they ask questions, answer in a matter-of-fact tone, without shame. Be calm, keep it simple, genuinely listen. Take your cue from your child, and wait for everyday opportunities; be ready to answer throughout the day when they ask sex-related questions. Don’t make them feel like it’s a bad thing. But if you’re uncomfortable, try to buy time and tell them you’ll get back to them with an answer.

Some girls also start to menstruate at this age, which is a different “talk” altogether. At this age, you can also start teaching them about sexuality and the different types of it, like homosexuality and bisexuality. Be patient with their fears and anxieties and teach them about this natural evolution in their biology. Why not try to read a book together that teaches kids about reproduction in a non-intimidating way? Check out some examples, here.

10 to 12

As your kid enters her tween years, she’ll need more and more reassurance to face the many physical, emotional, and mental changes puberty brings. At this age, kids will often experience growth spurts, acne problems, and body hair growth. Teach them that it’s normal, and remind them her friends are going through the same thing. Puberty can be overwhelming, so try to be as supportive and understanding as you can for their mood swings and to help them work through their sexual feelings.

At this age, you can start talking to them about the dangers of becoming sexually active too early. Yes, it may seem taboo, especially in the Philippines, but media and the internet makes it even more important for parents to make sure their kids are properly educated.

Be specific and open with them. Don’t be judgmental or shut them out when they express their opinions.

How to talk to kids about sex at age 12 to 18

During your kids teenage years, they will need a lot of guidance, even though they won’t outright ask for it. Let’s face it: some kids start becoming sexually active before they turn 18.

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Remind your teen that there shouldn’t be any pressure to have sex before they are ready. Seeing physical intimacy depicted in many youth-oriented shows can establish the sort of thinking that it’s what’s expected of them by a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. Teach them that the right person will wait, and that there is no rush.

Most importantly, teach your kids that there is nothing shameful about sex and that you will always be there to support them and help them make sense of the difficult stuff in life. We hope this article will help make “the talk” easier.

By staying informed about legislative developments like the Prevention of Adolescent Pregnancy Bill and maintaining open communication with your children, you can help them make informed and responsible decisions about their sexual health. Remember, as a parent, your role is pivotal in shaping their understanding of relationships, self-respect, and responsibility. Empowering them with knowledge and fostering a safe space for open discussions will not only guide them through this critical stage of life but also strengthen your bond as a family.

READ: Smart and age-appropriate ways to discipline your child at every stage

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