REAL STORIES: "My baby only lived for 14 hours"

Grief after birth is just a sad thing to talk about, but neonatal death is a reality some moms have to accept. Read this heartbreaking story of a mother whose baby died after birth.

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At first, I wanted to keep the pregnancy from my parents. I was a junior in college, and as the eldest, my family was counting on me to graduate and lift us out of poverty. My parents had so much hope and big dreams for me.

I didn’t want to let them down, so my boyfriend and I initially thought of getting an abortion. But we couldn’t go through with it because we knew it was a big sin, and we were afraid of our parents and feared God as well.

So with the help of my boyfriend’s parents and their promise to take responsibility for my pregnancy, I had the courage to admit it to my parents. At first, they had a hard time accepting the situation. As expected, they got at me but eventually learned to accept it. The families agreed to let us get married, and our wedding was a success.

At six months pregnant, I was finally looking forward to my pregnancy. I was so excited when I learned that we would have a baby girl, I was so excited to shop for her things and I took my prenatal vitamins and medicines religiously, and also ate healthy food. In my prenatal checkups, my OB-GYN would tell me that my baby was healthy and her heartbeat was normal.

Then one morning, I experienced intense pain in my back, and thought to myself, my baby was about to come out. So we decided to go to the lying-in clinic. After 30 minutes of labor, I finally gave birth to my baby girl.

The doctor said that my baby was fine and that her heartbeat was normal. She just needed to rest for a while. I didn’t even take a long look at her because I was scared she won’t respond yet. Then I noticed that her skin color turned dark.

Because of her condition, she was transferred to a big hospital. My husband and mother were with her the whole time. Meanwhile, I was left in the lying-in clinic with my mother-in-law, praying for my baby’s safety.

I asked God to forgive me for my shortcomings when she was in my tummy. I kept checking my phone, waiting for an update; waiting for them to call and give me good news about my baby’s condition. I was praying for a miracle.

I never thought I’d fall asleep, but when I woke up, I saw my mother crying beside me. Tears flowed down my cheeks, not wanting to hear what she was going to tell me. I was hoping that I wouldn’t get bad news. But still, my mama told me that our baby was gone.

My baby died shortly after her birth. Within 14 hours of her living in this world, she didn’t survive and she left us so suddenly.

They say everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I wonder what was the reason for taking my baby after just a few hours in this world. Why my baby died a few hours after her birth. We never even had the chance to kiss or hug her. It pains me that she will never experience the love and care that we would’ve given her.

But I know that she is an angel now. In heaven, there is no pain or sacrifice. Our baby had heart disease and lung failure that took her life. She would’ve been very sick had she lived.

I know that all we can do is trust in God’s plan, but it’s not easy to forget the pain of losing my baby. Until now, even though I know she’s in the hands of Jesus, I still miss her every day. I want her back, only so I can hug and kiss her, and tell her how sorry I was for being weak.

I’m not a perfect mom, but I want to be a loving mom. Now I have my second baby named Cassander Brylle. He is turning 7 months on October 13. Meanwhile, his Ate is also celebrating her 3rd year in heaven on October 2.