There is a wealth of advice on various sites about how parents should raise their kids. But have you ever thought that some of these might actually be bad parenting tips?
It’s important for moms and dads to always be aware of supposedly “good” parenting tips that can actually cause harm to their children.
What can you read in this article?
- Bad parenting tips
- Best parent advice
- Signs of good parenting skills
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels
15 bad parenting tips you should never follow:
1. “Your child will grow out of it”
When it comes to bad or negative behavior, kids don’t just “grow out of it.” It’s actually one of the most common bad parenting tips out there.
Bad behavior like hurting people, throwing toys, shouting, or anything similar, shouldn’t be tolerated. Parents should always correct bad behavior and teach their kids the right way to go about things.
2. “There’s no need to praise your kids so much”
Kids actually need to be praised. They need to know if they have done well. So it’s totally okay for moms and dads to always praise their kids, especially if the praise is well-deserved.
Praise helps build a child’s self-esteem and pride, and also helps give them a positive frame of mind.
3. “Let them figure it out”
It’s true that giving your child some space is important. However, that doesn’t mean that you should just leave them alone to fend for themselves.
A parent’s job is to guide their kids down the right path, and that means that parents need to be a big part of their kid’s life. It’s okay to let your child do things on their own sometimes, but if they ask you for help, make sure to be willing to do so.
4. “Strict rules have to be enforced”
Rules are indeed important since they help mold your child’s behavior. But, as with anything, too much of it can be bad.
Be strict, but also remember that you need to be approachable. Your child should see you as a parent, not as their boss, or someone scary.
5. “Punishing children is wrong”
Kids don’t like being punished, but that doesn’t mean that punishment is wrong. As much as parents always want their kids to be happy, sometimes you really have to punish your child, especially if they deliberately disobey your rules or if punishment leads to an important lesson.
6. “Let your child decide what they want to do”
While it’s true that moms and dads need to listen to what their kids want, it doesn’t mean that parents should let their kids decide on everything.
At the end of the day, parents still know what’s best for their children. So it’s up to you to decide if you want to enroll your kids in piano lessons, or ballet class. You decide when to push, or when to give in.
7. “You don’t need to teach your child to read at home”
Parents are a child’s first teachers. So it’s important for moms and dads to do their best to teach their children basic skills, which include reading and writing.
Kids who do well in school are usually kids who were taught by their parents to read and write at a very young age. This helps them get a head start and have a better understanding of language.
8. “Kids need to do a lot of activities”
Even if you think your kids are energetic, they need some time for rest and relaxation as well.
It’s not always a good idea to keep your child’s schedule full of activities, especially if they’re already going to school. Having time for unstructured play and letting them be kids is very important. It’s even okay for them to be bored sometimes.
9. “Smartphones make kids smarter”
While it’s true that in some ways, using smartphones can be good for kids, too much of it can be a problem. It can cause addiction, and kids can become too dependent on it.
As with most things, too much time spent on smartphones isn’t good. It’s becoming increasingly clear that too much screen time has a negative impact on children of all ages.
10. “Kids don’t need car seats”
This is another one of those bad parenting tips that you probably hear from friends or relatives who don’t know any better.
Car seats save lives, and in some countries they’re mandatory if you’re traveling with a child. So even if car seats can be a bit pricey, it’s always a good idea to buy one just so you can have the peace of mind that your child will be safe in your car.
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11. “Conflict is bad for your child”
Conflict can bring up negative emotions, but that doesn’t mean that conflict is bad or unnecessary. Conflict can push your child to think outside the box and to be a better problem solver.
Let your child handle conflict and help them out if you think they need it. As they grow up, they’ll inevitably face even more conflict in life, so why not let them get used to handling conflict at a young age?
12. “Kids need to do as they’re told”
Moms and dads, this might sound counterintuitive, but you shouldn’t raise your kids to always do as you say.
It’s important for parents to be okay with their kids questioning decisions instead of blindly listening and doing what their parents want. That’s because it helps kids learn to not blindly follow anyone.
Instead of teaching your child to always follow what you say, teach them the right values instead. That way, they will live their lives not according to rules, but according to those good values that you taught them. They’ll grow up to be independent, assertive, and they’ll learn to not be pushovers.
13. “If your baby cries, don’t pick them up”
If your baby cries, then, by all means, pick them up. Babies are too young to express themselves, and they might be crying due to a number of reasons.
They could be hungry or sleepy, or they might need to be burped or changed. Most of these reasons require you to pick them up anyway.
It’s important for parents to understand that crying is your baby’s way of communicating how they feel, and not picking them up can cause them to feel anxious or even feel that you’re ignoring them.
14. “Throw your kid in the pool to teach them how to swim”
This is a really bad idea. No matter how many YouTube videos you watch showing babies being thrown into a pool and swimming, it’s still something that is dangerous.
15. “Parents are always right”
As a parent, you should already know that sometimes there are situations where you really have no idea what you’re doing.
It can be scary for some parents to feel that they might be wrong and that their child might be right, but that’s normal. The important thing is for parents to be flexible and to learn how to listen to their children’s needs instead of just assuming that parents are never wrong.
Outdated parenting advice in Filipino families
Photo by Migs Reyes from Pexels
“Kaya mo naman eh”
One of the toxic cultures of Filipinos is expecting family members – especially distant ones – to be of help financially just because they have a job or they have money.
While we should be thankful for being blessed and raised with opportunities that led us to land well-paying jobs, we also need to prioritize ourselves and our immediate family.
“Mas matanda ako kaya ako ang tama”
Have you ever tried making a stand in an intellectual conversation with a member of your family from an older generation? Most times, you’d often be dismissed with, “Wala kang alam”, “Noong panahon namin”, or “Marami ka pang kakaining bigas”.
However, years of age may be accompanied by a lot of lessons and insights but not everything applies in present years. What was right and acceptable in the past might no longer be true at present.
“Hindi ka mabubuhay ng passion, passion na ‘yan”
A lot of young adults give up their passions or dreams to living the professions set by their parents, or the careers their family believes will make more money and success for them.
Going to be a writer? Pursuing art? Making music? This is a familiar phrase one might hear. With this day and age, what professions they thought had no money or success in, are actually becoming in-demand jobs and career paths.
Best parent advice: how should parents treat their child
Recognize toxic traits of your own in the bad parenting advice and practices above? It doesn’t mean you’re an entirely bad parent. All you want is the best for them, and in striving hard to provide “the best”, you may have not realized how it has become bad parenting.
Make up for it by following these parenting tips for new parents (and old!):
Signs of good parenting skills
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Let’s take a look at these good parenting skills and best parenting advice from Carolyn Curtis-Mahoney, consultant and writer at Freedman Center, William James College.
1. Believe in yourself
As a parent, you’ll be receiving tons of advice from other parents, family, friends, strangers, doctors, blogs, and others. Try this out and experiment but keep in mind that what works for others may not work for you. At the end of the day, you are the best person to decide what is best for your child.
2. Adjust your expectations
Becoming a parent is a significant life change. Every transition, no matter how anxiously anticipated, comes with some level of anxiety. And, despite our best efforts, we may need to change our plans as we go.
3. Ask for help
Don’t forget that you have a lot of people in your life ready to help you sort out parenthood. You may be a supermom or a super dad but you are human too. Let family, neighbors, relatives, and friends know what you need and help you out – even on the slightest bit of things.
4. Forgive yourself
You won’t always know what to do. You may make mistakes, and that’s okay. Nobody knows everything, and even “experts” frequently disagree about “what’s best for baby.” In times where you make errors, allow yourself to recognize the situation, and do better next time. Get this chance to get to know more about your child and your relationship with him/her.
5. Enjoy parenthood
Be the parent you believe your child needs and deserves. Every day, as your child grows, you also grow as a parent. You are always taking another step towards becoming a confident, experienced, best parent for your child. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy.
While these parenting tips for new parents and best parent advice may be a ton of help, you will learn so much more in practice. Parents have different perspectives and beliefs on how should parents treat their child.
What applies to you may not apply to everyone. As you go through parenting, you’ll discover more about your child and yourself as a parent. Reflect on these and be the best mom or dad you could ever be.