Lack of intimacy or connectedness isn’t the only problems couples encounter in the bedroom.
Often, the time before we sleep is the only uninterrupted time we can get with our partner, especially as parents.
Dr. Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted, revealed to the Huffington Post common mistakes couples make and what changes they can do to fight these seemingly harmless relationship killers.
1. Going to bed separately
Of course, if your partner has a different work schedule, this can’t be avoided. But for couples who actually have similar work days, going to bed at different times may be causing harm to their relationship.
“It’s a recipe for feeling lonely and emotionally (and physically) detached from each other,” says Dr. Berger. “One of the best things about being a couple is the warm, fuzzy time you share right before drifting off to sleep —why would anyone want to sacrifice that?”
2. Lack of physical intimacy
This is quite obvious but you’ll be surprised by how many couples actually take this for granted.
Physical intimacy doesn’t have to be sex; it can just be the simple act of kissing, or cuddling as you drift off to sleep.
Being honest about your needs in the bedroom or when you don’t feel like being intimate, can also open up a way for you two to be more emotionally connected.
More silent relationship killers on the next page
3. Being inconsiderate of your partner’s schedule
Sure, watching TV or listening to music may be your way of winding down after a long day but it may be interfering with your partner’s time to rest.
After a long day of working and looking after your kids, the only thing you want to do is curl up in bed and doze off. But the few minutes before you do drift off to sleep can be the perfect opportunity to emotionally reconnect with your spouse by talking about how your day went—even if it’s just for a few minutes.
4. Screen time > Spouse time
Sometimes, social media can take all of our focus away from our spouse; this shouldn’t be the case.
One user on theAsianparent Community, a new Q&A platform and app for parents, expressed concern that being glued to her smartphone has caused strain in her marriage. Many of us can relate to this. Whether it’s for work of for entertainment, our smartphones or tablets have been like an extra limb.
But, these connective devices actually isolate us.
“Taking a tablet or phone to bed with you harms your relationship in two ways: First, it isolates you emotionally from each other,” says Dr. Berger. “Secondly, when we’re on electronic device shortly before sleep, the stimulation from the screen tends to keep you awake. With insufficient sleep, we’re likely to be less patient, kind and tolerant toward our partner the next day.”
photo: dreamstime
5. Self-grooming in bed
Some things should be saved for the bathroom. The simple act of cutting your nails or shaving in bed can annoy your spouse and could rob bedtime of its intended relaxation; it also hinders intimacy.
6. Going to bed angry
It’s been said countless times that you shouldn’t let the sun go down while you’re still angry.
Don’t allow unresolved conflicts to fester by cutting arguments short just because you’re tired.
Dr. Berger’s advices is to “do your best to clear up issues well before bed time, so when you’re ready to turn in for the night you’ll both want to communicate lovingly, in words, tone and actions.”
READ: 4 Marriage killers that you’re doing every day
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