People make mistakes. And sometimes, people do the unthinkable and cheat on their spouse. In some cases, it ends up with the couple separating, since cheating is a big problem. However, some couples choose to stay together and fix their problems instead of breaking up.
Obviously, if you’re the one who cheated on your partner, getting back together and fixing your problems isn’t as simple as just forgetting about what happened. You’ll need to work hard and put in a lot of effort in order to make your relationship work.
Here are some things to consider if you’re trying to reconcile with a spouse that you’ve cheated on:
1. Ask yourself, is this what you really want?
First things first, you cheated on your partner for a reason, so you have to ask yourself, do you really want to get back together? You have to be honest with yourself, since if you get back together and cheat on your partner again, that will just hurt them even more, and make things even more difficult.
Getting back together means facing a lot of problems, and dealing with the fact that you made a big mistake in your relationship. You have to understand that things won’t get back to the way they used to, so that’s another reality that you have to face.
2. Stop all contact with the third party
If you really want to get back together with your spouse, it’s important for you to break all contact with the other person. If it’s a co-worker, it might be difficult, but it’s in your best interests to just avoid that person entirely so that you won’t have the temptation of cheating again, and you can break off any feelings that you might still have.
You have to be honest with your spouse, and be firm in your decision to break off all contact with the other person. Trust is important in a relationship, and this is one way through which you can start rebuilding trust.
3. Tell the truth
You have to be open with your spouse when it comes to the details of your affair. You have to be honest, and tell them what happened, why it happened, and how long it lasted. Being honest with these things would help you and your spouse reconcile, and save you the trouble of having to explain it at a later time.
4. Be prepared for the consequences, but don’t be a victim
Now, you have to be prepared for times when your spouse will get angry at you, or if they get triggered by simple things. It’s all a part of the process, and you have to be there for them and reassure them that you won’t be making the same mistake again.
However, it doesn’t mean that you can let them walk all over you. Your mistakes aren’t a license for your spouse to physically or emotionally abuse you, or let them control your life and your actions. There should still be boundaries, and you deserve your spouse’s respect.
5. Be sensitive when it comes to intimacy
Understandably, your spouse might have some reservations about being intimate with you, especially after you cheated on them. Which is why it’s important to respect their boundaries, and don’t force them to have sex with you, or make them feel guilty about it.
Try and understand how it feels from their perspective, and be more sensitive about sex.
6. Learn from your mistakes
There’s no reason to justify your cheating. However, you should have at least learned something from the experience. If you cheated because of problems with your spouse, then why not try to go to marriage counseling to seek help, or try and talk to your spouse about what went wrong, and how you could have done better.
It’s not easy to come to grips with your mistakes, but it’s important to know what you did wrong, and how you can fix things.
7. Forgive yourself for your mistake
Cheating is a big mistake, maybe the most horrible mistake you can ever make in a relationship. But in time, you have to learn to forgive yourself. You can’t always live with the guilt of your own mistakes, and at the very least you should afford yourself the forgiveness that you deserve, especially if you’ve done all you can to make up for what you did.
Cheating doesn’t mean that you’re an evil person. It just means that you’re just human, and you made a bad decision in your life. It’s hard, but you should eventually learn to accept it.
Source: lifehacker.com
READ: “Should I tell my husband that I am in love with another man?”
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