Doug and Chesca Kramer celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary last year. To commemorate the milestone, Chesca arranged a surprise renewal of vows for her and her husband.
Chesca Kramer: Advice to wives
In show business, a lasting marriage seems to be a rarity these days, but Doug and Chesca Kramer make it look easy.
Catching up with the beauteous mom of three at the opening of Melopan Pan Ice Cream at the Eastwood City Walk in Quezon City, The Asian Parent asked Chesca for relationship advice for young wives like her.
Here are her 5 tips for a lasting marriage:
1. Love yourself
“Take care of yourself,” she says. “Love yourself.”
For Chesca, she believes in taking care of herself and making sure she looks pretty—not only for her husband, but for herself as well.
2. Respect your husband
“I guess more than appearance—of course, appearance matters, di ba? We all wanna look great for our spouses. We all wanna feel good about ourselves. But I think it’s also about the attitude in how we carry our relationship, so I guess it’s how we speak to them.”
Chesca believes that you should always show respect to your partner, from the way you speak to the way you treat them. Respect should always be there.
3. Discuss rather than argue
“Learn how to discuss rather than to argue with your spouse,” Chesca says.
Chesca adds that the manner in which we talk to our husbands mirrors how they will talk back to us. So, if you start the argument shouting, you’ll end up having a shouting match rather than talking about the problem.
“I’ve realized through time that how we deliver, how we deliver the things that we tell our husband really affects how they react. So I’ve learned to put positivity in things that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree on, but I choose my words—only because I also don’t like to fight and argue.”
Whenever Chesca feels angry, she chooses to take a break before talking to Doug.
“I tell [Doug], ‘Honey, I need some time. I wanna make sure that whatever I say is not out of anger. Because right now, I’m not my best self. So, can you give me some time? And then I will go to you.'”
She says taking time to calm down before a discussion makes it easier to iron things out because you’re thinking clearly rather than spewing whatever comes to mind.
4. Take care of your husband’s reputation
When we’re mad about something, it’s so easy to call a friend or a family member and make chismis on whatever you and your husband are fighting about. It’s so easy to make him out as the worst person in the world, just because you’re angry.
“Be careful what you say about them [husbands] at the heat of your anger,” Chesca says. “Make sure that when you talk about your spouse, it’s based on facts, not complaints.”
She adds, “At the same time, if there are any complaints, make sure you talk to somebody who can actually help, not people who will aggravate the situation. So, choose the people that you will speak to.”
Whenever she needs to talk to someone about her marital troubles, Chesca turns to her spiritual advisor and her good friends. These are “the women that I feel who would look at the situation and really be fair and will be able to point out what can be done.”
Although she seeks their advice, Chesca says, “At the end of the day, you still know your spouse better. You know your family better. Decide on your own. And trust also your gut feel.”
5. Stop being self-centered
Although she advises on loving yourself, Chesca also warns against “always thinking about yourself.” She believes that if you give your spouse love and attention instead of always thinking about your needs, your spouse will reciprocate.
“Start thinking about the other person and the other person will also start thinking about you,” she explains. “I know not all couples experience that, that they have their spouses think about them and consider them, but it also begins with you. Don’t wait. Start it, hoping that after, that it [him thinking about you] will follow suit.”
Also read: Doug Kramer to husbands: “Date your wife”