All couples argue, but not all couples know how to resolve these arguments–whether petty or serious–in a healthy, constructive way.
Think back to the last argument you had with your partner. What was it about? Most people would place jealousy at the top of the list and it’s natural to see why. Cheating is rampant in media and in the lives of those closest to us that it’s easy to doubt whether our own relationship will be spared.
Here are some other common couple arguments and how to deal with them, while strengthening your relationship in the process.
1. Lack of Free Time
No matter what your love language is, getting your partner’s attention and feeling like you’re truly their priority is important to build trust and security. When one (or both) of you is spending a little too much time at work or out with friends, for instance, it can cause strain in your relationship.
A simple shift in pronouns can do wonders, suggests FamilyShare. Instead of using “I” or “you”, start phrasing statements more inclusively, with “us” or “our”. This keeps you from unintentionally assigning blame and helps you solve this issue in a loving way.
2. Money
Setting a budget and sticking to it is important. Some couples may have more serious financial problems than others, but all couples have to deal with allocating funds and resources, determining their family’s needs and wants.
Dr. Lean Seltzer cautions couples, in an article on Psychology Today, that fighting about money is hazardous to relationships. Citing a study conducted by the Utah State University, he believes that money issues is the “single best predictor” of failed marriages. He urges couple to keep an open mind when discussing money issues, acknowledging your different backgrounds and perceptions about money in a fair way.
Search for common ground and compromise, respecting each other’s points-of-view as you work toward resolving money issues.
photo: dreamstime
3. Relationships with in-laws
Our in-laws get involved because they care, but sometimes it can feel that they care too much. Filipino parents, in particular, love doling out unwarranted advice.
For instance, when it comes to child rearing, we can encounter a generational gap that can only be bridged by understanding and respect. This conflict can find its way into our relationship. When we feel like our partner is siding with our in-laws, it’s important to respect their relationship as outside of our own pride and perceptions. For instance, make time for each side of the family to bond with your kids. This helps you find a way to respect each other’s beliefs while helping them to open up to your side of things. Sometimes, just showing them that they truly matter is the easiest way to help them understand where you’re coming from.
4. Bad household habits
Something as simple as not closing the toothpaste cap after brushing can spark an argument. It’s the little things and the tiny considerations of daily life that we need to pay attention to. Not doing your share of the household chores, for instance, may just be the result of laziness, but it can make your partner feel you don’t value them.
Taking care of the space you share shows them how important they are and how you want to create a clean and comfortable home, even if it’s something as simple as washing the dishes when you notice how tired they are from work.
5. Intimacy needs not being met
Though this topic may be uncomfortable for some, it’s important to open up when you feel these needs aren’t being met. Couples have different expressions and perceptions of intimacy so being open about it is important to avoid
Simply talking to your partner about intimacy and initiating loving gestures can help resolve it.
Even simple gestures of affection—of truly listening to your partner—can resolve arguments over intimacy needs.
READ: Simply saying ‘sorry’ can do wonders for your marriage. Here’s why
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