Supporting Families of Children with Disabilities: Modern Etiquette for Respectful Communication

The language we use when communicating with people with disabilities shapes how they are perceived and treated in society. However, outdated terms like abno, special, or rtrdd remain common in the Philippines, reflecting a need for awareness and sensitivity. This article aims to encourage Filipino families, educators, and communities to embrace respectful language and behaviors that promote inclusion.

Important tips in communicating with people with disabilities

1. Language Use: The power of words in communicating with people with disabilities

The language we use matters. Referring to someone as a “child with a disability” rather than a “disabled child” reflects the practice of person-first language. This approach emphasizes that the individual comes before their condition, highlighting their identity and humanity beyond the disability. For instance, it’s more appropriate to say “a child with autism” instead of “an autistic child.” This small linguistic shift helps avoid defining people solely by their conditions.

According to Arianne Garcia, an autism advocate, assumptions about capability can harm relationships. “Avoid questioning our capability… instead focus on optimism and reassurance,” Garcia shares. Using appropriate language communicates respect, acknowledges individuality, and fosters meaningful interactions between neurotypical people and those with disabilities.

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2. Cultural Sensitivity: Evolving Filipino Attitudes

Filipino culture is gradually evolving in terms of how it views children with disabilities. There was a time when disabilities were used as comedic material in local media, further reinforcing stereotypes. Fortunately, as advocacy grows, many are learning to break away from such harmful depictions.

Yet, stereotypes persist. Some people still refer to disabilities as a “burden” or treat individuals as objects of pity. This approach can create barriers to forming genuine relationships. Educating ourselves on modern etiquette is essential in dismantling these outdated perspectives.

3. Practicing empathy and respect in communicating with people with disability

Empathy is key when communicating with people with disabilities. Here are some general guidelines for respectful interactions, inspired by the HIE Help Center:

• Speak to individuals with disabilities the same way you would with others. Avoid using a condescending tone.
• Direct your conversation to the person, not to their companion or caregiver.
• If someone requires help, ask first before stepping in. Tiffany Carlson, a quadriplegic, explains, “We know when to ask for help. Just wait for us to speak up.” 
• Mistakes can happen. If you use the wrong term, apologize, correct yourself, and move on.
• Avoid overpraising someone by calling them an “inspiration” merely for living with a disability, as this may unintentionally reinforce the notion that they are fundamentally different.

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4. Avoiding Stereotypes: See Beyond the Disability

Stereotyping can isolate individuals with disabilities. Not every child with autism, for example, enjoys math or has savant-like abilities. Similarly, assuming someone with a physical disability cannot be independent is harmful.

Garcia adds that listening and paying attention are crucial: “We might behave in ways that baffle you, but trust me, you behave in ways that baffle us, too.” Showing patience and engaging thoughtfully, without forcing social norms, creates a positive interaction.

5. Being an Ally: Building a Supportive Community

Being an ally means actively supporting children with disabilities and their families in daily interactions. It involves speaking out against offensive language and misconceptions, even within casual settings.

When engaging with individuals with cognitive disabilities, the National Autistic Society suggests:

• Use clear and specific language, pausing between phrases to allow processing time.
• Avoid using sarcasm or idioms that may cause confusion.
• Ask simple questions and provide options rather than open-ended queries to avoid overwhelming them.

By practicing sensitivity, empathy, and inclusion, we strengthen our community and ensure that all children—regardless of ability—are treated with dignity.

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 Communicating with people with disabilities: Words Shape the World 

Communicating with people with disabilities requires thoughtful language and behavior. It’s not just about avoiding offensive words—it’s about promoting respect, empathy, and inclusion. As we move forward, let us challenge outdated terms and adopt language that celebrates individuals for who they are, beyond their disabilities. Every conversation is an opportunity to create a world where everyone feels heard and valued.