Marriage isn’t a bed of roses. It has roses but it also has thorns. And those thorns are the ones we call, conflict. So, in marriage, conflict is inevitable. However, conflicts in marriage can lead to infidelities, separations, and broken homes.
In Singapore alone, the divorce rate has become alarming. In 2007, it was only 2.02 per 1,000 married couples but in 2009, it has become 7.7 per 1,000 married couples per record of the Department of Statistics.
Resolving a conflicts in marriage between husband and wife can be difficult. But the relationship is strengthened when you overcome it. So, how do you resolve conflicts in marriage so that it doesn’t end up in divorce or separation?
10 common conflicts in marriage
You and your spouse can appropriately deal with a conflict. If, of course, you know the cause of conflict and from there, you can work your way out. This article will explore the 10 most common conflicts in marriage and how to deal with each of them.
Handling finances – Many married couples quarrel about money and finances. This happens when the couple has varying ideas on spending money.
When one is thrifty but the other spends extravagantly or when one has a lesser income than the other, there can be a problem. Many times, couples would have heated discussions on what to spend and what not to spend money for.
In this case, the couple has to come up with an agreement with regards to spending money. The husband and the wife should change their mindset in spending. This is part and parcel of getting married. They shouldn’t think of spending money as if they were still single. Moreover, both should agree on their priorities for budget and expenses and they should stick to it.
Misunderstanding with in-laws – Marriage partners come from different families and adapting to a new family can become stressful as they join their families together. In-laws might also interfere or meddle into the affairs or decisions of the spouse such as where to live, how to raise kids, and all other areas.
If there is a tendency for friction between in-laws, it is advised that the couple should live separately from the family of both parties.
Parenting issues – You and your spouse might have different opinions of raising up children which includes discipline, nurturing, education and all others. So, it would be better to have a discussion on your parenting concerns and to agree on what you can both do for the good of your children. If you disagree on some issues, then find a common ground on which you can both compromise.
Sex life – Sometimes, a couple’s sex life can become a cause of conflicts in marriage when one of either partner is unsatisfied or when one does not approve on how they go about it. It is ideal that you talk about what you like and what you don’t like in making love and find ways to satisfy both sides.
Don’t just pretend that everything is fine because in the long run, resentments may accumulate and make you both bitter. There are also cases of unfaithfulness among couples because the spouse is unsatisfied with his or her sex life .
Personality differences – You and your spouse are two unique individuals who have been joined by love or by tradition. Consequently, it is inevitable that you would have differences in personalities, not to mention contrasting attitudes, behavior and lifestyle.
But despite of these differences, you can find commonalities which you can utilize to strengthen your relationship. Each of you needs to respect, understand and love each other more so as to look past through the peculiarities.
Undesirable habits – As you start to live together under one roof, you will discover that your spouse has undesirable habits that will definitely turn you off. All you need to do is to speak in a loving manner with your spouse with regards to those habits. But don’t expect that your spouse will change overnight. It may take time, patience and hard work to unlearn habits. So, be patient with your spouse.
Unmet expectations – Most probably, each partners would have expectations from his or her spouse, but only to be disappointed after at a year or two. You would probably think that marriage is not really what they say and that your partner is not really what he or she seems to be when you were still sweethearts.
You can’t turn back time but you can turn back the way you look at your spouse. If your spouse did not meet your expectations, then try to understand him or her and do away with your expectations.
Communication gap – This happens when you don’t express what you need to tell your spouse or when you don’t take the initiative to communicate your concerns with your spouse. It is ideal that each of you should keep an open line of communication. Kindness, honesty and transparency are essentials in this area.
Lack of time – Anyone needs attention from his or her partner. But when one of you do not have the time the relationship can become strained.
So before this takes place, plan out your schedule when you should have your time together. This more likely to apply to those couples who are working on shifts or to those who are working in different places with time differences such as those of overseas workers.
Doing household chores – Keeping the house clean and tidy is a petty thing but it can be a cause of conflicts in marriage. For others, it may not be just a small issue. But the key to solving this conflict is to agree to take turns. If not, use the time of doing household chores as time to be together and to talk.
As one of these issues appear in your married life, it is best to remember the following general tips. Talk it out and listen to your partner.
Whenever you have a misunderstanding with your spouse, take the initiative to talk with him or her in a positive and kind manner.
Be calm when one partner is at the peak of his or her emotion. When you’re at the peak of your anger, don’t lash out on your partner.
Don’t curse each other. Don’t ever say words that might emotionally hurt him or her and regret them later. It isn’t wrong to be angry but don’t let your anger stay overnight.
Be more understanding and patient to one another. Be considerate that your partner makes mistakes as much as you also make mistakes.
Finally, forgive and forget. It’s the best way to overcome conflicts that come your way.
Also read: Avoiding conflict leads to marital bliss
Republished with permission from: theAsianParent Singapore