Every marriage is deeply personal and unique in their own way, especially because people have their own way of showing affection, have their own way of processing emotion.
As a result, what one couple considers endearing, another couple might find annoying.
However, there are just things that every couple should not endure in their marriage. Tana Bolinger lists down six of these things in her Family Share story.
1. An unsupportive spouse
A marriage is a partnership between two people. Every decision, every milestone, every hardships and shortcomings must be shouldered by both parties. This also applies to their choices both professional and personal.
“It is hard to feel confident outside of your own home, especially without the support of your spouse,” Tana says. “If you do not feel like your actions will ever be good enough to receive their approval, walk the other way.”
2. Abuse of any kind
Verbal, physical, emotional, financial, psychological—it doesn’t matter what kind of abuse a husband or a wife experiences. None of them is in any way right.
Tana asks: “Does he joke about events in your life that were traumatic? Does he talk about his exes because he knows it irritates you? Have they shared your secrets multiple times to the people you love?”
If your spouse does any of these things, or a variation of these things, it’s a sign that he’s abusive.
3. A partner that forces intimacy
One might think that sexual abuse and in a marriage is fiction, but it they are real and they do happen to many women. Tana says that many people believe it is “wife duty” for women to offer intimacy to their husbands any time they want it. This is untrue.
Consent must always be given when it comes to sexual intercourse. If a woman refuses and her husband forces her anyway, that is called rape.
4. Being shamed for what you look like
Is your significant other forcing you to lose weight? Do they often make offhanded comments about your appearance? If so, then you’re in a dangerous territory.
Tana says: “We are all built differently and that makes us unique individuals. If he cannot see that after a few years of marriage, how can you show him? If there is no answer, then you may have to consider finding someone who will love you no matter what.”
5. Possessiveness
Just because you’ve said your vows to each other doesn’t mean that you “own” each other. People who exhibit such traits are controlling and often emotionally manipulative.
“If your husband tries his hardest to keep you from seeing your friends, this is a big red flag,” says Tana. “He may be just jealous and spending more quality time with him could fix it, or he could be so controlling to the point where your happiness, personal relationships and ability to take care of yourself is in jeopardy.”
6. A cheater or one who accuses you of cheating often
It’s difficult to trust again a person who has cheated once. Chances are, they will only do it again. Even if they end up not doing it, a spouse may find it difficult to trust again.
On the other hand, if they always accuse you of being with another person, even if you’re simply out outside to meet with friends or run errands, you will only end up feeling like a prisoner in your own marriage.
At which point, Tana says you have to make a big decision and leave.
Photo credit: Tina Franklin
READ: The saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” backed up by science
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