I love my husband but I don't want to have sex with him. Is this normal?
You love him just as much, but something has changed. If your sex drive has waned, is that a sign that something is wrong in your relationship?
Though sex isn’t the most important thing in marriage, it is essential. In its absence, couples can feel disconnected, frustrated, and unwanted.
Are you experiencing an unusually long dry spell? Do you fear that your marriage is headed for disaster, despite the love you feel, because you can no longer muster up the desire you once felt for your husband?
Most of the time, this can be traced to emotional issues. Are there unresolved issues that are hindering you from seeing your partner the way you used to?
29-year-old Juliet, who has two kids under the age of 4, links her lack of sexual desire to negative feelings about her body.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love him, and I love our life together. I just feel blah about my body, and I’d also rather sleep when the kids sleep than stay up and have sex,” she tells Women’s Health.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love him, and I love our life together. I just feel blah about my body…”
For 32-year-old Heather, she started worrying when she was starting to never be in hte mood for sex a year and half into their marriage. In the beginning, she recalls having sex for six times a week.
“I had to pep talk myself into doing it once a week in order to make my partner think everything was OK. The thing is, everything was OK. I loved him fully and was super attracted to him. It was a mood thing. He was always very supportive about this. He never made me feel bad about not being in the mood or anything like that,” she confesses. It turns out that the hormonal changes brought about by her chosen birth control method was to blame for the drop in her sex drive.
Over on the Q&A app ParentTown, an anonymous also wondered if it’s possible to love your spouse without desiring them sexually.
“It’s possible but it will be difficult. Everybody needs sex. It’s a human need. Doing it all by yourself will not be enough,” responded an anonymous user.
“Yes, totally. has this always been the case or only recently?” writes Ling F.
Felicity O. agrees that it is possible to love your spouse without wanting to sleep with them, but it would be difficult.
Ultimately, it is up to couples to define just how important sex is to keep their marriage strong. It is up to them to decide what frequency passes as healthy and normal. There are couples who are perfectly happy with little to no sex in their marriage for a prolonged period of time. This does not make them any less in love.
That being said, couples should never stop working at deepening their relationship. Real intimacy goes beyond the physical. So if you’re worried that the lack of sexual desire means your love is fading, don’t pressure yourself to snap out of it. Instead, patiently trace what areas need work and do not be afraid to communicate with your husband.
You are partners, after all. For better or for worse does not just pertain to external conflicts, but it also applies to internal battles you will fight as you build a life together.