Expert shares, “Kids aren’t the most important members of the family”

According to family psychology expert John K. Rosemond, making your kids the most important members of the family might not be the best idea.

Here in the Philippines, kids are the most important members of the family. Once a couple has a child, then most of their time will be spent taking care of their child and making sure he or she grows up right.

However, one expert shares a different opinion, that your kids shouldn't be the most important members of the family.

It's not always about the kids

According to family psychology expert and best-selling author John K. Rosemond, parents shouldn't make their kids the most important part of the family.

He writes, "There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status." I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they're having with their kids—typical stuff, these days—are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family."

"Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn't eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want," he adds.

You and your partner are important

Rosemond stresses the importance of focusing on the marriage since a healthy and strong marriage contributes a lot more to the development of your kids as compared to just focusing on the kids and completely disregarding the marriage.

Showing your kids that you communicate with each other, treat each other with respect, and show your love as a family will make them look up to you more, and thus they will follow in the example that you set.

He shares, "The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents."

Of course, this does not mean that you should completely disregard your kids. The important thing to remember would be not to make them the sole focus of your family life. Doing that would make your kids feel entitled, and that's the last thing that you want to happen.

"The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened," Rosemond writes.


READ: Sometimes, you just have to stop ‘parenting’ and just start being a parent

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