Motherhood. Nobody told me how difficult it would be. And no one told me how beautiful this journey is. Being a first time mother, I am on an uncharted path that I only heard from others or read in articles. Having a baby changed my life and made me a new person I never thought I would become.
The newborn stage
I wished babies came with a manual. Unfortunately they don't. I had to decipher what my newborn needed every time she cried. Is she hungry? Is her diaper wet? Does she feel cold? I panicked every time I could not make her stop crying.
I asked myself why I didn't have what they call ¨Mother's Instinct¨ to give my baby what she needed. I even thought maybe I was not made to become a mother.
I thought it would be a breeze for me to have sleepless nights as I was used to watching KDrama till the wee hours of the morning. But having a newborn plus sleepless days and nights was different.
It is incomparable to late night outs with friends or binge watching till dawn. Maybe it was hormones that made it extra hard. I felt tired like I never felt before. And I felt lost with the new routine I had
As my baby grew we learned from each other. Sleepless nights were still difficult but I learned her cues for feeding time, diaper change and cuddling time. But I missed the old ¨me¨.
The competitive businesswoman who was always visible in the industry. The girl boss whose vision was how to remain relevant in the market.
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The new “me”
When the time came that I needed to go back to work, I was hesitant to leave my baby at home. How will I make sure that she was eating well or if she took her vitamins already? I would always video call home to check on my baby. That's when I realized that everything is different now. I am different now.
The carefree girl was gone. There is someone home waiting for momma to come back. There is a beautiful being on the phone crying when she realizes momma is nowhere near her. Everything now revolves around my baby. Her needs are my top priority.
Pandemic happened and everyone was told to stay home. It is a challenging time for everyone but one blessing that came from it is I am able to be with my baby all the time.
She is growing beautifully before my eyes and witnessing her learn new words everyday. I am able to care for her when she's sick and play with her after her nap.
My learnings
It has been two years since I became a mother. I learned quite a lot and still am learning about motherhood.
¨The days are long but the years are short¨, as they say. Savor each moment you have with your child. They are not babies forever and soon they will ask for independence to explore the world on their own.
Learn from each other. Children learn from their parents, and parents also learn from their children. See the world through their eyes and feel like a child again. Their innocence will show you things in a whole new perspective.
Communication between parent and child is important. We expect our children to listen to us and we should hear them out too. You will be surprised how much they understand what we are trying to tell them.
I am on an uncharted road nevertheless I am enjoying every bump and turn. Some days are smooth and some are rough but my daughter is making this ride all worthwhile.
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