theAsianparent Logo

"Is it possible to have a great marriage without great sex?"

Can a marriage survive bed death? Couples and experts weigh in

The Honeymoon stage can't last forever. But, in the absence of intimacy, can marriages still thrive?

Answers vary. But, sadly, this is something that many couples will experience at some point in their marriage.

Bed death is pretty much the kiss of death for many marriages but about 15 to 20% of marriages are sexless.

What makes a marriage sexless is if the couple have had no sex in at least six months.

One concerned user on ParentTown asked anonymously: "Can you have a great marriage without great sex? How about no sex?"

One user suggested that one should never be afraid to initiate intimacy. Say something like:  'We haven't had sex in a while, and I miss you,'" Don't complain about it — that's not going to get you laid. Go for the sweetness. Choose the time of day that works for both of you; maybe set the scene with some candlelight, romantic music or whatever helps you both get into the mood."

Another user agreed that it is possible for some; but certainly not for the majority:

"A great marriage - but possibly a short-lived one. Physical intimacy and procreating are two of the most beautiful things a couple can share. Possible, yes, anything's possible (depends on the personalities, priorities, and values of the couple), but it's definitely not for most.

Though it's natural to have less sex over the years, there has to be a consistent expression of intimacy--no matter what form it takes.

"I know in the craziness of parenthood, our sex drive may vanish - but it's one of the core pillars of a healthy marriage. Doesn't need to be intercourse, but definitely some sort of sexual activity is necessary," says one ParentTown user.

Find some expert advice on how to cope with a sexless marriage on the next page

First off, don't be too hard on yourself because you're not alone in this. 'Sexless marriage' is one of the most searched marital struggles on Google for a reason.

There is a way out of it. Even though it's so easy to give up and accept the death of your sex drive, it may help to know that, in most cases, the solutions are quite simple.

Don't blame yourself

Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want, told the Huffington Post: “It may not be you, so stop beating yourself up. It is no indicator of how sexy you are as a woman if he is initiating or not."

It's also important to remember that a man's sexuality is largely defined by their ability to perform. Lessen the pressure by not relying

"Don’t wait for him to take charge. It is OK as the woman to be the driving force of your sex life," says Dr. Nelson.

Sex drives are bound to fluctuate

Couples know that sometimes the stress of life robs them of the ability to maintain a healthy libido. But communication can help.

There may be deeper marital issues that need work because intimacy goes beyond physical attraction---which is something that will eventually fade.

Get professional help

A trip to the doctor may be the answer if, for instance, your husband is having erectile dysfunction. This medical condition is also linked to psychological and emotional struggles which also need to be addressed.

Agree on working together

A lot can be achieved of both partners recognize there is a problem and are willing to work together to conquer it.

Communicate your needs and encourage your partner to do the same. Reassure them that you can both get back to your Honeymoon stage---together.

Make time for intimacy

For emotionally healthy couples who are willing to rekindle the passion, it's fairly easy to turn up the romance.

Robert Weiss, Senior VP of Elements Behavioral Health suggests trying "sex toys, new positions, new places and unexpected romance within your relationship."

He tells the Huffington Post: "Be intimate, share quiet moments where you simply look at each other, hold hands and talk about your feelings. Nothing, not even sex, is more intimate than having a compassionate partner who has your back."

READ: “My husband and I haven’t had sex in six months. What should I do?”

If you have any insights, questions or comments regarding the topic, please share them in our Comment box below. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Google+ to stay up-to-date on the latest from theAsianparent.com Philippines!