Here is how to handle marital problems
How should I handle my relationship problems?
I believe that a marriage is perfect when problems and difficulties arise, when there is love and resentment, happy and sad moments, misunderstandings and reconciliations, and challenges and confusions, and despite all of these, the couple stays together. It is in this context that marriages must be perfect. But how does a couple stick together through “thick and thin”? Are the countless number of cases of legal separation, annulment and divorce these days attributed to the fact that couples cannot work out their marital problems? What should married couples do to handle their problems?
Be realistic
First of all, you need to keep in mind that problems are a part and parcel of married life. I got married three years ago and it is turning out well though we are confronted with financial difficulties and uncertainties of the future. I have also asked some of my colleagues their reasons for not getting married yet. The general response was that they didn’t want to enter a problematic situation. Why does marriage mean getting into a problematic situation? You are forming a bond of relationship with another that brings meaning and fulfilment to your life. Having problems in marital life is a normal occurrence. There are always thorns within the bed of roses. So a marriage without problems may mean that both partners are living superficially, and they are hiding things from each other. This, on the other hand, could cause deeper conflicts later in their married life. Another thing you should be realistic about is your expectations you have of your spouse. You should not expect too much from him or her, because ultimately, he or she is still only human. As they say, humans are bound to err. So, if he or she does not do the things you expect, you might end up disappointed and become miserable in your marriage.
Face the problem and confront it head on
The right attitude towards a problem is to confront it squarely. We should not be asking why there are problems. The correct question should be how to deal with these problems at hand. If misunderstandings or conflicts occur between you and your spouse, don’t wait for too long before talking about it. At the soonest possible time, discuss it with your partner. If you think you can talk about it today with a calm and sound mind, do not procrastinate to do it tomorrow. Many reports about marriage even recommend that you do not let a day end without putting an end to the conflict you have with your spouse.
Be a team player
A marriage must be worked out. Marital relationships cannot be likened to a piece of cake being served on a platter. It has to be worked out to last a lifetime and even beyond. As they say, “it takes two to tango”, just as it is true that it takes two to nurture a good marital relationship. No marital relationship will last if one is working too hard to remain in a relationship and the other is lenient in doing his or her part. Since problems are part and parcel of marital life, both partners should take the extra mile in searching for the solutions to the crisis. This is definitely challenging! But take a few steps away from being individualistic. It is more fulfilling if both of you experience the crest and trough of life together.
Renew your marital commitments
Since a married couple enters into a bond of relationship sealed with fidelity, loyalty and trust, the need to constantly renew their commitments to each other is very essential. It is in this manner that both can reminisce the day when they were sealed together as one with commitment and love. The danger of forgetting your vows to one another slowly creeps in as you are absorbed in the daily routine of your marital life. So, there is a need to renew, recall and revisit the day when you committed yourselves to one another. To do this, you can go back to the place where you first met or visit the place where you had your wedding or your honeymoon. You can also do for each other the little things that you did before, when you were still lovers or newlyweds, such as writing love notes or letters, calling to say “I love you,” sending flowers, and such.
Have open and respectful communication with your partner
No relationship ever lasts if communication between those who are involved fails. Open and respectful communication is the key for you to be able to know what your partner feels and thinks. If you don’t open up, you will never get to know each other more and you will never get to know how to make the relationship work for both of you. And when you talk about your problems, don’t play the blaming game. Acknowledge first your own mistakes and then let your partner realize his or her wrongdoings without pointing fingers.
Have an empathic understanding of your partner
Everyone has different backgrounds in life. You and your spouse are unique from each other. You also have varied ways of expressing your love and care for each other, so do not expect that your partner will express his or her love for you in the same way that you do. Remember, you are unique and separate individuals who have been united by love. So love and understand your spouse despite the differences.
Be persevering and determined
In the midst of conflicts and confusions, we might momentarily consider separation or divorce but it is never a solution, options like these usually intensify the problems. Both partners should provide an avenue for settlement but not at the expense of the marital relationship. So persevere in the midst of the challenges you face in your relationship and stick it out until the end.
Having a good marriage ultimately depends on many different factors, and how different couples work. Just make sure that when any conflicts arise, you keep these points in mind to be able to effectively deal with your marital problems.
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