Support from people around you is very important when you are grieving and trying to cope with loss. Having them around, lifting up your spirits — these are just some of the things they can do to support someone after losing a baby.
Most importantly, if you are someone’s husband and you are reading this, let us tell you how you can carefully approach your wife while expressing you care for them.
One mom shares the story of how she lost two babies through miscarriage and how she was able to cope with it with the help of her husband and family.
Image from Freepik
“I lost two babies through miscarriage”
Mariz, now a mom of two, shares to us how she lost her first two babies.
“After honeymoon, I felt symptoms of being pregnant like nausea and food aversion. Then after a few weeks, I felt cramping pains, so we went to ER. The doctor prescribed some vitamins and was told to bed rest. After a couple of days, I woke up in pain. I decided to go to the washroom and there, my baby just came out.”
Her husband was at work that day and she was staying at her parent’s house for the meantime. So her mom was the one who rushed her to the hospital and she underwent dilation and curettage procedure wherein tissues from inside the uterus will be removed.
She was then placed in a maternity ward after and she couldn’t help but feel sad that everyone else is welcoming their babies while she had just lost hers. But what motivated her to move forward is her husband and family. She knew that they needed her so she had to be strong for them.
Image from Freepik
Two years later, she became pregnant again and immediately scheduled an appointment with their family doctor. But just before the said appointment, she experienced spotting once again. So they went to the ER and was told that it might just be implantation bleeding which typically occurs between 6 and 12 days after conception, when the fertilized egg attaches to the lining of your uterus.
“But in my heart, I know that there is something wrong. I am scared that it might happen again. And on the day of the appointment, i told my husband I need to use the washroom. So we went first before heading to the clinic. Then I saw that it’s gone.”
Coping with multiple miscarriages
After what happened, Mariz made sure to raise this concern to her OB-GYN. She wants to know the cause of her multiple miscarriages to make sure it won’t happen again.
After a month, she paid a visit to her doctor and was told that she is pregnant again. This time, she decided to work part time instead of full time and said that her husband did all the chores to help her throughout her pregnancy. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy after 39 weeks and they now have two kids!
How to support someone after losing a baby
In a situation like this, both of you will deal with pain and grief. It’s important that you go through it together and not try to shrug off the feeling or just forget it happened. Showing your vulnerability might actually help your wife deal with her own emotions.
Now, it’s also important to talk about it. Once you have laid out where you stand in the situation, the next thing you need to do is show your partner how much you care for them.
Mariz shared that her husband was always there for her and never made her feel alone in the process. We can only imagine how tough it must have been for them to keep trying even after multiple miscarriages. But what helped her, is the constant reassurance coming from her husband.
Image from Freepik
Even when she got pregnant again, her husband offered to do even the littlest things like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and grocery shopping. These are actually just some of the many other ways you can show support to someone after losing a baby.
Losing a child is physically painful, but the emotional pain that comes with it is what you have to prepare for the most. If you are a husband and in this situation right now, make sure that your wife knows that you understand what she is dealing with and that she doesn’t have to go through it alone.
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