What to do if your child catches you having sex

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Have your kids ever walked in on you and your spouse "getting it on"? Read this article on what to do when that happens!

It’s late at night. The children are in bed, your work is done, and both you and your spouse are feeling amorous. The timing couldn’t have been better. So into the bedroom you go, stoking the fire for a night of passion, until… a little voice rises above the carnal moaning ! It’s happened: your kid catches you having sex!

Your kid catches you having sex: How much did he see?

If your bedroom door was closed throughout your erotic act, chances are you were probably alerted of your child’s presence the moment the door swung open. Your private bedroom show wouldn’t have been pried upon much especially if you were doing it in dim lighting or utter darkness.

Even if you were caught in the act in a well-lit room, chances are your child wouldn’t have seen much. Considering the commonly used positions during sex, it’s highly unlikely that “ins and outs” would have been clearly displayed.

But if you had been “expressing your love” outside the confines of your bedroom in blatant spread-eagled positions, you may have quite some explaining to do…

To a small child who has just woken up due to distress from bad dreams or sickness, it is unlikely he would have paid any attention to what was happening on your bed. Older children may be a bit more attentive (and curious) and might have kept the scene in mind.

A simple way to find out is to ask. Don’t worry if you find it awkward to ask. A curious child will definitely ask to verify what he just saw!

What should we say now?

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Oops! What should you do if your kid catches you having sex?

Should we lie and say that the pleasurable moaning is due to a backache? And the bed squeaking was induced by a poorly constructed mattress? Or maybe Mommy was just having an asthma attack? Oh oh, maybe we should just say Daddy was giving Mommy a particularly painful massage! No matter what, we can’t possibly say we were having S-E-X!

Despite the initial embarrassment of being discovered naked and vulnerable, your best bet would be to remain calm. Then firmly tell your child to go back to bed. Unless there’s something urgent that requires your attention (like wet bed sheets that require changing), this tactic usually works well on sleepy children who aren’t awake enough to say no.

Unless your child had been watching for quite some time, the only question he or she would probably ask is: “Why is Mommy and Daddy naked?” (That is unless your family has a culture of sleeping in your birthday suits, to which your child would have no questions at all!) This is an easy question to answer (or avoid).

You may say it is because you’re feeling hot (pun intended), or that you were getting ready to go shower. Hopefully your child hasn’t learnt to tell the time yet, or else this lie could be easily busted.

Should we explain ourselves?

Even though your child would have just witnessed the most intimate exchange between two consenting adults – a concept beyond the understanding of prepubescent children – there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

The act of sex is what created your child in the first place, and it is natural behavior between husband and wife. Whether you wish to explain this is a separate issue depending on your personal comfort level.

To the inquisitive child who may have seen – and probably heard ­– too much, you may need to at least share the simple concept of “Mommy and Daddy were having a special adult moment.”

Depending on their age and your ease on educating them on the “birds and bees,” you may also wish to add that this is how babies are sometimes made. Most children eventually ask where babies come from anyway. So this is your chance to kill two birds with one stone.

If you are concerned that they may probe and ask for more details, fret not as most of them don’t. But if the prospect still sounds daunting, you may wish to approach the question with a more biological answer. The classic “sperm meets egg which makes a baby” explanation will do, instead of delving into the specific uses of the genitalia.

Well, now we’ll just have to feel insecure about having sex

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If your kid catches you having sex, there are a few ways you can deal with this.

Honestly, you don’t. Just learn to read your children’s sleep cycles and anticipate any rude awakenings. Take special care if your child is unwell or undergoing night-time toilet training. It may also be wise to tire your children in the day if you are intending to tire yourself out at night. *wink*

Has your child ever walked in on your while you were having sex? How did you deal with it? 

ALSO READ: Every parent’s worst nightmare: How to talk to your kids about sex

Republished with permission from: theAsianParent Singapore


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