At some point in your life as a parent, you’ll eventually find yourself placed in a difficult position if you catch your child lying to you.
What can you read in this article?
- How to teach child not to lie
- What is a good punishment for lying
- Age appropriate consequences for lying
On one hand, everyone lies at some point in their life, and it’s normal for people to lie. But on the other hand, you surely don’t want your kids to make a habit of lying, especially to you.
So, what can you do if your kid starts to lie, and how can you get them to tell you the truth?
How to teach child not to lie
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Caught your child lying? How can you reprimand them without getting mad? Here are some tips on how to teach child not to lie again.
1. Be mindful of how you react to your child’s misbehavior
In some instances, children lie because they’re afraid of how you react to their misbehavior. If you shout or punish your kid harshly whenever they do something wrong, or make a mistake, then you might have to rethink how you react when they misbehave.
Kids have a tendency of lying if they’re scared of disappointing you, or if they’re afraid of you. Stay calm, communicate to your child, and make them understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, as they’re a learning experience.
2. Don’t embarrass your child
If you catch your child lying, don’t embarrass them by making them feel worse than they already feel. Give them opportunities to tell you the truth instead of calling them out on their lying.
Embarrassing your child will just make them feel much worse, and they’ll probably lie more in the future so that they can save themselves from being embarrassed or feeling bad.
3. Try to understand how they feel
Kids lie not because they like to lie, but because for a number of reasons. Sometimes it’s because they don’t want to disappoint you, sometimes it’s because they’re scared of you. Talk to your kids, and make it clear that they should never be scared to tell the truth to you.
On your end, it’s your responsibility to be more understanding, patient, and kind when it comes to your kid making mistakes. It’s a learning experience not only for your child, but also for you as well, so it’s very important to try and practice empathy.
4. Thank them for being honest
During the instances when your kid ‘comes clean’ when it comes to their mistakes, make sure to acknowledge their honesty, and thank them for it.
Praising your child during the times whenever they tell the truth, gives your child a great feeling, and it makes them feel that you understand them and that it’s okay for them to make mistakes, so long as they learn from it.
It also keeps your kids from lying, as there will be no incentive for them if they lie.
5. Turn it into a learning experience
As with everything that happens in life, it’s all a learning experience. Instead of scolding your child for lying, talk them through what they can do instead so that they won’t lie, and make them understand the consequences that lying can have, especially in the future.
Setting a culture of honesty and openness in your family is very important, and you should establish it as early as possible so that your kids can take it with them until they grow up and have a family of their own.
6. Don’t treat small lies as harmless.
If you let them off the hook, your child may become accustomed to lying and do so more frequently.
7. Make them feel loved
Of course, all parents love their kids. However, there might be some instances wherein your kids might not always feel that love, especially in cases where they do something wrong.
This is why it’s important for parents to show that they love their kids unconditionally, regardless of their imperfections or any mistakes that they might do.
They should know that no matter what happens, at the end of the day, you’ll still love them.
8. Don’t let dishonesties repeat itself
According to research, the brain adapts to deception, making each subsequent lie less emotionally distressing than the previous.
Repeated deception is akin to using the same perfume over and over. When you first spritz it, you can instantly detect its distinct aroma.
However, you can no longer smell it after each application, so you apply it more generously. Similarly, our emotional response to our own acts of dishonesty is intense at first but gradually fades.
9. Be careful of your own lies
Parents should also be careful when it comes to lying, especially as most parents think that ‘white lies’ are okay. Lying, even white lies is not a good example to set for your kids.
So if you find yourself making up ‘white lies’ in your daily life, you might want to rethink that behavior since your kids will pick up on it and they might mistake it as acceptable behavior.
Always remember, practice what you preach!
READ MORE:
What’s the difference between child discipline and punishment?
Want to know how to raise a disciplined child? Remember these 8 rules!
Effects of not disciplining your child, how it affects his overall well-being
What is a good punishment for lying
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Here are some tips you can follow for good punishment whenever you catch your kid lying. It doesn’t always have to be arguing, scolding, or stressful punishing.
- Stop asking set-up questions that encourage people to lie. The answer to a set-up question is one that you already know. Instead of asking, “Did you do your homework?” say, “I saw you haven’t finished your homework. Do you have a plan on how to accomplish it now?”
- Instead of blaming, concentrate on finding solutions to issues. Instead of “Did you take out the trash?” ask, “What should we do about the trash out on schedule?”
- Be truthful to yourself. You may say, “That doesn’t seem like the truth to me. Most of us don’t tell the truth when we’re imprisoned, terrified, or threatened in some manner. Why don’t we take a break from this right now? I’ll be here later if you’d like to share what’s going on for you.”
- Set a good example for others by stating the truth. Share with your children moments when it was tough to tell the truth, but you determined that experiencing the consequences and maintaining your self-respect was more important. Make sure this is a genuine exchange rather than a lecture.
Age appropriate consequences for lying
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Children of different ages may respond to lying and punishment. It is best to approach your child in a way that is most appropriate for his or her age. Here are some age appropriate consequences for lying from Cleveland Clinic.
Toddlers (ages 2-3)
Children at this age are unable to comprehend lying as a moral decision. They don’t always think before they act, and as a result, they don’t always consider the implications. So, deception is how others react to the fact that you appear angry or offended. They want to get everything back to normal. They aren’t attempting to fool you.
Respond to lies with facts with toddlers. Don’t scold. Point to her filthy face and the open package on the table in this case. You can begin to help your child grasp right from wrong by laying out the data in basic but tangible words.
Preschool years (ages 4-5)
If you discover your preschooler lying, don’t get too worked up about it; they’re still learning and exploring at that age. Make use of their improved language abilities to teach kids about the importance of making decisions.
Say you don’t think lying is a good idea, but here’s how you could have handled it instead.
Read an age-appropriate book on lying to your child for extra reinforcement. Also, remember to set a good example by stating the truth.
Elementary school years
Your child will be a little savvier by the time she starts kindergarten. She recognizes that lying is unethical, but she also recognizes that lying can help her escape unpleasant consequences and duties.
She would rather have a good time than finish her scientific project or clean her room. She’ll lie to deceive or manipulate you, as well as to avoid an awkward scenario. The focus at this age should be skill development rather than punishment.
Determine the source of the deception, whether it’s a lack of problem-solving abilities or a sense of not belonging. Concentrate on teaching your child how to solve issues, deal with difficult situations, and anticipate the implications of their actions.
Tell them it’s not okay, or they’ll see lying as a more convenient approach to escape punishment or upset feelings.
Middle school years and beyond
Your child is even more likely to lie in middle school to fit in with others, get out of trouble, or reclaim control after you’ve told them no. Assist him in comprehending the consequences of his decisions.
You can also teach them that lying has a negative impact on their reputation. Discuss issues such as ‘How do you want others to perceive you?’ How do you wish to be perceived? When you lie, do you feel proud of yourself, or when you’re honest and kind?
Above all, love your children even when they make mistakes. Children might be hard up at telling the truth and owning up to their mistakes at first but with the love, support, and guidance of their family, they will be able to learn that their parents are concerned about their worries and erroneous ideas and that they will assist them in overcoming them.