The First Bun
Grappling with LossJuly 21st 2006, was an unforgettable day of my life. It was the day that my baby merged with the Almighty. She was about 17-weeks-old when it happened. After the miscarriage, I felt extremely empty and miserable. It was like my world had come crashing down. At first, I could not bring myself to look at the foetus, however after some personal reflection and encouragement from my hubby, I decided to bid ‘her’ farewell.
It took time to mourn my loss. I also used the time to revisit my various existing relationships, and the physical, emotional, intellectual and financial perspectives of how things have shaped in my life. While I always felt ready to be a mother, the universe obviously had different plans for me. Eventually, I got over the hurt and moved on. I returned to work, but not before taking a month long holiday to amazing New Zealand.
Having another Go
Six months later, there was a bun in the oven again! You can only imagine how joyous we were. The first trimester whizzed by so fast. I took extra care to ensure everything I did was right.
During the second trimester, we took a break and went to Bangkok. My belly was hardly showing but the pregnancy glow was certainly apparent. I had such wonderful skin, my hair grew thicker and I was getting a whole lot of attention. We had an absolute awesome time soaking in Bangkok’s vibrant atmosphere.
In my third trimester, I started feeling “heavy”. Instead of taking an chances, I decided to pay my gynecologist a visit. I was admitted for pre-term labour for two days. Those couple of days were extremely traumatic as I thought all was going so well. The lurking nightmare of losing my baby came back like a nasty shadow. Luckily, after some tests and observation period, it turned out to be just a false alarm and I was allowed to return home. I was advised to take it easy. That meant no more swimming, exercising or even going out by myself. Every time I went for my check-ups, a family member would accompany me.
The length of my labour was fairly short as I needed an emergency c-section. After my water-bag started leaking at about 7.30 pm, I arrived at the hospital after 2 hours and my baby was delivered at 11.56pm. I opted for an epidural as I requested to be awake to hear my baby's first cry. The joy of hearing his first cry was well worth the recovery required after the labour.
All’s Well That Ends Well
Everyday I can’t help but thank God for making it all up to us again. This entire experience has also brought my husband closer to me. During both pregnancies, he was there for me at every moment. Although he had a busy schedule, he made it a point to attend all screenings and even the ante-natal classes at Kandang Kerbau Hospital. Having his companionship and support has certainly intensified the bond between us as husband and wife. With God's grace, may we be good parents and be guided to raise our son.