Are you in good terms with your in-laws? Read Mommy Sharmaine's painful and heartwarming story about losing a loved one to Covid-19.
What can you read in this article?
- Her relationship with the two queens in her husband's home
- Losing a loved one to Covid-19
They say when you marry someone you have to marry your partner’s family as well.
It is melodramatic to know that a lot of falling in love is at stake in your marriage. You also have to fall in love with their family. I am so lucky to have a loving mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law. They have taught me so many things in life.
Though a lot of adjustments had to be taken when you are living with them. And sometimes, I fail to maintain this. It may be due to hormones or postpartum issues.
Nevertheless, for my sake, I take the highest ground, trying to compromise as much as I can, and not letting their negativity about my parenting, marriage, our relationship and life ruin it.
Living with in-laws
Yes, you heard it right. Living under one roof with your in-laws can be stressful. One of the Filipino sayings is “Mahirap tumira sa bahay na may dalawang reyna.”
And where I live, there are already two queens. I have to admit, the adjustment was delicate yet I enjoyed it. Hence I dedicate myself to loving my husband and loving his loved ones as well.
Why am I living with them? My father-in-law is the only son and her mother had been with him ever since. And my husband is the eldest of the sons (it's a small family).
As much as I dream of having our own home, the request of my husband to live with them makes a great compromise in our relationship. His mother and grandmother have their long-term sickness - lupus (autoimmune disease) and chronic kidney disease (she needs to undergo hemodialysis regularly) respectively.
We all know that every parent wants nothing but the best for their child, including in terms of finding a life companion. And I understand that sometimes they have to check on me if I perfectly fit their expectations.
But despite that, we know that some things that worked for them don’t always work in our marriage. So I always respect and honor them, but I always follow my own rules.
Three women and a baby
Our daughter was born premature and it takes double the effort to give her the care and protection that she needs. She is now one year old.
I am so much thankful that during this pandemic, I had three ladies, including my mom, to take care of my little one. They supported me all the way; making sure that my baby is safe and protected especially during this pandemic.
They even offered to take care of the baby so I can go back to work. But I reconsidered for their own health and safety.
They're sickly and are not getting any younger. I just want them to enjoy the perks of being grandmothers. I didn't want to give them another burden that might put their health at risk.
I want them to have the pleasure of just looking after my daughter but not getting tired of chasing her around and doing the things that I, the mom, should be doing.
Another thing that I considered was my breastfeeding journey. We all know that breast milk is best for babies, but that is even more important especially in this season. So I decided to quit my job and tried to help my husband by putting up a business that I can manage at home.
Losing a loved one to Covid-19
During the pandemic, everyone's experiences are unique, but we're all facing stress and disappointment for different reasons. As for me, I never expected that I would be losing someone I love.
May of this year, my grandmother-in-law tested positive due to Covid-19 secondary to hemodialysis complications. This was the darkest May of our lives.
Everyone in the family had been quarantined. And as symptoms persisted in some members, we decided to isolate ourselves from each other, including my baby. Since grandma had a severe case, she had to be in the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for her recovery.
After a few days, my brother-in-law tested positive. Fortunately, my husband, the baby and I tested negative. But as we waited for updates on grandma, Covid-19 shocked us with how rapidly her health deteriorated.
I knew she was a fighter. But she failed that battle. She died without us on her side. We just heard the news over the phone. It happened in a blink of an eye.
Most of the members of the family tested negative for Covid-19, except for my brother-in-law who chose to be in a quarantine facility. He made that decision to protect my baby and my mother-in-law who is also immunocompromised.
We had Grandma’s ashes after the day she died. The pain of losing a loved one to Covid-19 gave us so much stress and anxiety. Most of all, it tested our faith. And as if the pain wasn't enough, another devastating thing happened.
Two deaths in nine days
With the death of grandma, we didn’t expect that my mother-in-law would be the one most affected. The sadness she felt took a toll on her health - she would vomit every hour, she could hardly sleep and just cried all the time that she got really weak.
On the ninth day of Grandma’s wake, another nightmare struck the family.
At noon, my father-in-law saw my lifeless mother-in-law on her bed. She had a cardiac arrest. They rushed her to the hospital, but she was pronounced dead on arrival. She suffered from depression.
I didn’t know what to feel. I felt great pain seeing my husband losing two mothers in one month. The family who I had been with for just a year- with so much love and happiness- is now ruined and incomplete.
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This pandemic tested our physical strength, mental health, and spiritual faith. Losing a loved one to Covid-19, I admit, there were times when I felt empty. Like my heart has been pumping so much blood but felt like there’s no life.
I lost the 2 ladies who had been with me on my pregnancy journey and the first days of my little one. And God only gave them to me for a very short period of time.
Because of what I have experienced with my marriage and in-laws, I learned that you always have to be kind to people and respect each other so that love prevails for everyone. You never know what tomorrow will bring. This pandemic makes it harder to be assured of another day.
With the short time that I spent with them, I consider myself so lucky to have my in-laws' love and affection. I know they have been proud of me, what I have become as a wife and mother. And I promise I won’t fail them. I promise to love her son, her grandson, for the rest of my life.