Do you find yourself longing for that feeling you had on your honeymoon? Does that sense of urgency and desire when your spouse was close by seem like a lifetime ago?
It’s important to know that there will be times when a couple’s sex drive doesn’t match up. One can want sex more than the other and this can go on for a prolonged period of time.
But having a lower sex drive than your spouse should not cause you to despair because it’s perfectly natural, especially in long-term relationships. Here’s how to keep it from negatively affecting your marriage.
1. Make your sex life a priority
You don’t have to be going full speed ahead in the bedroom each and every day of your married life, but make sure that you also don’t take intimacy for granted.
Having a happy sex life greatly contibutes to overall marital satisfaction. It reassures your spouse that they are desired. Without passion there can be no romance. And sex is one of the greatest expressions of passion. This alone makes it worth paying attention to.
2. Be considerate of your spouse
Though you always have the right to deny intimacy, it’s also important to be considerate of your partner’s feelings. Being turned down by the one you love can be hurtful. Try to boost your partner’s confidence after rejection by keeping the flirtation going or compromise by offering to pleasure them in other ways, if you feel like it. Keep it playful and fun and work within the limits of your low sex drive.
3. Refocus on the little things
Look to the past for instances that can turn you on. Tap the wealth of romantic experiences you have had to try to bring that passion into your present. Dr. Pat Love tells Psychology today that just because one’s sex drive is waning, it doesn’t mean it’s totally gone. Refocusing on the small urges or the things that turn you on can help you start to feel desire again, even slowly.
4. Reflect on what can spark desire
Experiment with new things that can get you excited again. These do not have to be overly adventurous sex stuff, it just has to be new. Find something both you and your partner enjoy. For example, foreplay through massage, or slowing down the pace of intercourse could work.
5. Initiate sex
One effective way to boost sexual desire is to initiate intimacy and see what happens. Allow yourself to feel pleasure, even when you’re not 100% into it just yet. Wait for the physical sensation to get you in the mood. If it doesn’t just tell your spouse openly.
Talk about your preferences in bed as well as the struggles you are facing. Communicating helps get your mental states aligned to know how to get through the obstacles you’ve been facing. Do not be ashamed to be specific because this is the only way your spouse can full understand not only your physical, but emotional needs as well.
sources: Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, Today.com, PsychCentral.com
READ: Foods to boost your sex drive and what to avoid to keep it that way