I was battling Hodgkin's lymphoma, depression, and anxiety —not to mention, a recent breakup when I met my son's dad.
Meeting the father of my son
6 months after I had my treatments, I had a very bumpy consecutive days of fights with my parents so I went away for a few days with my sister and friends, and that’s where I met him. It felt like the storm finally calmed down —well, it did.. At least, for a while.
After talking and getting to know each other for weeks, we decided to meet up again for a friend’s New Year’s party. I’ve had the time of my life. It definitely felt like I was the old me, before the cancer and all of the breakdowns.
Before I went home with my friends, something happened between me and him. After that, he and his friends went home but me and my friends stayed behind. I’m not sure how or why but I ended up crying my heart out to my friends at the crack of dawn.
After the party, we still talked everyday and updated each other just like any long distance relationship. But something felt off, I was late and that rarely happens.
So I went out and bought PTs (pregnancy tests) and told him later that night. I even stopped taking my anxiety pills because I’ve read how it can negatively affect pregnancy if ever.
Of course, it turned out to be positive. All of it.
Fighting for my baby
Unfortunately, he didn’t believed me when I called and told him even though I took several tests that all turned out to be positive. Days turned to weeks as we fought over this matter.
Going back and forth to abortion and him insisting he was infertile and wanted a DNA test done. I insisted that abortion is not and won’t ever be an option for me. I even told him that I can handle this all alone and just informed him out of respect.
My partner back then wanted to abort it (noting that he still wanted to pursue our plans, our future, just without the baby) and I was left all alone. Well, not totally alone since I was staying at my older sister’s house then and she's had my back ever since.
Funny side note, she kept joking that if I had twins (since my baby daddy has one), she’d take the one with spots.
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My son saved me from anxiety and depression
From then up to now, we had no connection. Thankfully, I now have a very cute and healthy baby boy all to myself. There are days when I still think of spiraling down that dark and bumpy road again but I always keep my son’s future in mind.
All I know right now is that I’m happy and grateful he exists. He became the love of my life, the one that keeps me sane most days.
I never knew that I could love someone this much until I felt him inside my belly. He became our little bundle of joy, a blessing in disguise Indeed as the fights with my parents died down little by little.
My son was like a light in the dark and he did saved me. Honestly, I felt like giving up even after all of the treatments. Truth be told, I still experience attacks every now and then.
But now, I have another reason to fight. I love my little one with all of my heart and soul and I’m really excited for his future.
I’m so lucky as well that I became a content creator before he even came earth side because we had sponsors here and there like lactation goodies and diapers. It really lessened the struggles of having to provide for my baby as a single mom who just fought cancer.
Imagine having to constantly buy diapers for newborn’s frequent changes and mixing formula. Now, I work as a freelance artist, a content creator, and a full time mom for my one and only boy.
Oh, I would love to see him grow into an extraordinary human who is pro-choice and sees no barriers in order to achieve his goals.
I’ll keep fighting all these demons and be everything and anything for him. And I do hope that he’ll understand my choices once he’s in the right age. I just did what I knew best at the time.
Thankfully, my parents took us in wholeheartedly and from then on, Carlisle Adam became the center of all of our lives. As the saying goes, no regrets.