"I was confident in mostly everything except his past," Nikka Garcia wrote in her blog, A Boy After My Heart.
In the heartfelt piece, Nikka spoke about her insecurities over Jennylyn Mercado and Patrick Garcia's past, as well as her struggles over becoming a step-mom to Patrick's son, Jazz.
"Knowing that he has a son whom he adores with someone he used to love, not to mention, a very good-looking person… brought about the feeling of INSECURITY in me," admitted Nikka.
In her insecurity, Nikka would imagine all sorts of scenarios each time Patrick would visit Jazz at Jennylyn's home, and the hours would tick by with Nikka nervously glancing at her watch.
She pretended that she was perfectly alright because she didn't want to hurt Patrick, who was unaware of how Nikka actually felt.
"There were even times that he would bring me to see his son but every time we would reach Jen’s home, I would opt to stay in the car and wait for him patiently outside the house," she shared.
"I just didn’t know my place. I didn’t know how to act."
"There would be debates in my head (probably the entire trip to her house) whether I should go down or stay in the car," she recalled. "I just didn’t know my place. I didn’t know how to act."
"I did not want to make pa-extra. I did not want to be a distraction. I did not want to show disrespect in any kind of way with my presence," she also said. "I did not want to do anything that may cause him not to see his joy."
"I remember clearly the times that Pat and I would meet up after he would visit Jazz. BOY… his smile and his kwentos… he made me forget all my insecurities," she added.
Next page: Nikka talks about her fears of becoming a stepmom
On becoming a step mom
As Nikka's relationship with Patrick continued to deepen over time, Nikka slowly learned to let go of her fears. Gradually, she became used to the routine--at least until Patrick asked her to marry him.
Amid the happiness of the engagement and the certainty of her love for Patrick, was the fear and uncertainty of becoming a stepmother.
"I knew that I was not only going to have to learn how to have a relationship with Jazz, my husband’s son, but I would eventually have to have some kind of relationship my fiance’s former girlfriend, the mother of his child."
"As happy as I was, the thought of being a stepmom lingered in my mind. I tried to ignore it as much as I could by wallowing in the excitement of marrying the love of my life."
"But I knew… this was something I will have to face sooner or later. And so I silently prayed. Every single night I prayed," Nikka admitted. "No matter how sanay I was with our routine, this was going to be a little bit different now."
"I knew that I was not only going to have to learn how to have a relationship with Jazz, my husband’s son, but I would eventually have to have some kind of relationship my fiance’s former girlfriend, the mother of his child," she also said.
Reaching out to Jen
A few months into the wedding preparations, Nikka woke up with a strong urge to reach out to Jennylyn.
"I did not tell ANYONE about this, especially Patrick. I did not want anyone to influence what it was I was feeling."
"If I were to do this, I wanted to do this according to what God was putting in my heart," Nikka said.
After a week of fasting and prayer, Nikka finally found the courage to text Jen.
"I thought to myself, 'Lord, bahala ka na (it's up to you). You know what’s in my heart. If this is from You, then all will be well. If this is Your plan, then Jen will reply.'”
Jen did reply and they agreed to meet.
Next page: Patrick's reaction when Nikka told him she had met up with Jen
"God took away all my insecurity and replaced it with genuine admiration. He took away jealousy and replaced it with compassion..."
It was a casual and peaceful first meeting, devoid of drama. Nikka reassured Jen that she would be good to Jazz, and would always support him.
"I knew in my heart that this was definitely God’s plan. God took away all my insecurity and replaced it with genuine admiration. He took away jealousy and replaced it with compassion," Nikka said.
"On the way home, still stunned with what happened, I messaged Pat saying I needed to talk to him. It was very important," she recalled.
"When I got home, I started our serious talk with- “Love I’m sorry I lied about where I went……” (pang suspense lang! hehe) I ended it with – “..and Jen allowed Jazz to be part of our wedding,” Nikka told Patrick.
"He was so happy and so was I," she said.
"I have nothing but respect for Jen because she is the mom of Jazz. I know my place in Jazz’s life. I am and always will be his Tita Nikka, who loves and cares for him genuinely" Nikka also said.
"From that time on, my testimony of how good our God is just continues to strengthen me," Nikka also said as she encouraged others to lift up everything in prayer.
READ: 7 Showbiz exes who stayed friends after breaking up
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