An open letter to the one that got away: "I hate that I still love you"

I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I can't help but think that I might still be in love with you.

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I heard about the big news. Congratulations! Finally, right? I’m saying this because I know how long you’ve wanted to settle down. Remember when you said: “Siyempre gusto ko habang bata pa, so you and I can still do a lot of stuff together.” So finally, it’s happening. You can finally make all your plans happen—you and your soon-to-husband.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy the married life. You’ve always been very loving. I would know because you were very loving to me. I’m sure you’ll make a great wife.

I know this is unsolicited, and perhaps you’d do well on your own. But I guess I just wanted to let know you what I’ve learned so far anyway—like a force of habit of wanting to guide you on ahead.

The first few months can be a bit rough, you’ll have so many things you need to adjust and need to adjust with, but once you get used to each other’s quirks and habits, you’ll get settled into a nice routine. It took me a while to get used to my wife. Remember those pet-peeves you used to tease me with? Turns out, she had some of those traits. Funny how things turn out in the end, huh. But you’re right, when you love someone you, your tendency is to overlook at things you don’t like.

Yes, I still remember.

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All of the memories came flooding back

How can I forget? When I heard the news that you’re getting married, something just clicked inside of my head. All of the memories came flooding back, and I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t be affected since I’m already married, but there’s always this nagging thought in the back of my mind that keeps telling me you’re “the one that got away.”

Honestly, I’ve always pictured myself having a future with you. The two of us, in our little home, with our cute little kids running around. I know you love kids, so I’m pretty sure you’ll be an amazing mother.

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Even after we broke up, I always thought that you were “the one.” I hate that I still love you, because it’s unfair to my wife. I know she loves me more than anything in the world, and I love her too, but sometimes I think that I loved you more.

I hate that I still love you…

Sometimes I can’t help but compare her to you. And I know it’s unfair to my wife, but that’s just the way it is. I’m very thankful that she’s very loving, caring, and I know she’ll be a perfect mother once we have kids, but she’s not you. I do think she’s wonderful, and that she’s amazing, probably too good for me.

That’s why it kills me everyday knowing that I can’t love her as much as she loves me, but believe me when I say I’m trying my best.

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Maybe that’s why I’m writing you this letter. I hope this can be a way for you to know how I feel, and maybe writing this can be the first step for me to finally get over you.

READ: An Open letter to my husband’s malanding co-worker

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