An open letter to my husband's mistress: "You broke our marriage, but you didn't break me"
I'm not saying the betrayal is entirely your fault. As they say, "walang mang-aagaw kung walang magpapa-agaw." Surely, he had a choice.
I don’t know where to begin. I vowed that I would not even speak to you, yet here I am writing you a letter. Make no mistake, this is by no means my way of reaching out to you. I’m not too proud to say I still can’t forgive you or my ex-husband for what you did. Maybe one day, when I can bear to bring myself to consider it, I can reach out in that way. This is a way of telling you that although you ruined my family, I can still stand tall. You broke our marriage, but you didn’t break me.
This is a way of telling you that although you ruined my family, I can still stand tall.
Did he ever tell you how we met? He threw a mutual friend of ours a birthday party at a bar. We instantly hit it off. He later told me that he saw me as I walked in and that’s when he knew. I thought it was just a line to get me to cheer up that time I started to get jealous of a co-worker he was becoming increasingly close to. He bought me a drink and then we exchanged numbers, we went out for coffee—you know how it goes.
I have wondered about your first meeting many times. Did he buy you a drink? Promise to call you the next day? I guess, after I had my daughter, when I traded hot dresses for jogging pants, it was easy for other women to be more attractive to him. I’m not saying the betrayal is entirely your fault. As they say in Filipino, “walang mang-aagaw kung walang magpapa-agaw.” Surely, he had a choice. The cheating spouse is not led astray without their consent.
Now, through all the heartache, I am proud to say that I’m a single mom to a little girl, who I love more than I love myself.
Maybe it wasn’t just about sex or excitement. Maybe he confided in you; maybe you allowed him to be a version of himself that marriage or fatherhood didn’t allow him to be. I will never know. I guess, never knowing is better. I don’t even know if you’re still together.
I knew there was someone else for a quite some time…
I knew there was someone else for a quite some time. I’m not sure if there were others one aside from you. But cheating once and cheating several times is still the same thing. I first noticed how he had become distant and irritable. Sometimes, he would swing to other extremes and shower me with presents and attention. He thought he was being careful, but he was not smart enough to give me credit.
I found out that you were meeting up when I was busy with our little girl. I was rushing to take her to a ballet class when we accidentally switched phones. His was password protected, but I guess he neglected to turn off the notifications. A message from you popped out. “Are you free?” it said. A winky smile at the end suggested it wasn’t innocent. Funny how one silly emoji could help confirm one’s worst suspicions.
Now, through all the heartache, I am proud to say that I’m a single mom to a little girl, who I love more than I love myself. Yes, slowly, my heart is healing, but it breaks anew every time she asks about her dad. She’s only 5 years old. I know she’ll grow up fine, because I promise to shower her with all the love, care, and support she needs—and deserves.
I hope one day, when you have a child of your own, you won’t have to see them get their heart broken. I hope my own daughter never has to go through what I have gone through. I hope she learns how to truly love and that she will be blessed enough to find someone who is deserving of that kind of love. Even though her father left me with much heartache and pain, I can still be thankful because he gave me my daughter. She is my world and she is all the love I will ever need.
*the identity of the author, who is a reader of theAsianparent Philippines, has been kept anonymous as requested
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