An open letter to the wife from a mistress: 'I was just as clueless as you'

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Nothing can compare to how he violated the sanctity of your marriage, but what he did to me hurt, too. It was betrayal. He betrayed both of us.

I won’t insult you by apologizing. I know what I did was unforgivable. I just want you to know what I did wasn’t intentional. I am not hoping for understanding or compassion. You have every right to hate me. I just want to get this off my chest.

I never in my entire life thought that I would become a mistress. My parents didn’t raise me this way, or at least I’d like to think so. I come from a broken home. My parents split up, due to infidelity on the part of my dad, when I was about 9 years old. It was painful. The last think I ever wanted was to become a homewrecker. But that’s just what I became and I didn’t even know it was happening.

I hope you find comfort in knowing that you were not at fault, that it is not your shortcomings that caused him to stray.

An open letter to the wife from a mistress: 'I was just as clueless as you'

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I thought I was in love, maybe I really was. I won’t go into detail. It feels wrong to be writing you a letter. I’m probably the last person you want to hear from. But I want you to know that hurting you or destroying your family wasn’t my intention. I don’t know if you will ever read this, but I ended things as soon as I found out he was married. Nothing can compare to how he violated the sanctity of your marriage, but what he did to me hurt, too. It was betrayal. He betrayed both of us.

I hope you find comfort in knowing that you were not at fault, that it is not your shortcomings that caused him to stray. It was his choice alone. He chose to lie and keep me a secret. He chose to keep the fact that he had a family from me.

I guess, what I am trying to say is I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I just want to wish you peace and comfort. I wish that you’ll be able to raise your kids in the best way you can, even if you remain a single mom or if you eventually–hopefully–find love again. I hope you find a man deserving of your devotion. I hope you will never get your heart broken like this again. Though our stories are not the same, we loved the same man. No love is ever wasted, even if it’s taken for granted.

*This letter was shared in confidence by one of our readers, who has requested to remain anonymous. Edits have been made.

READ: An open letter to my husband’s mistress: “You broke our marriage, but you didn’t break me”

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Written by

Bianchi Mendoza