“I wish no parent will ever experience burying their offspring. Ever."
Though she lost a baby, Nikka Garcia remains positive with an unshaken faith. It seems that writing is helping her through her grief. In her latest blog entry, she shares that she found out she was expecting her third baby with husband Patrick Garcia on January 23. The couple were excited to share the good news, but unfortunately, Nikka experienced spotting a day before they planned to make the announcement. At this point, Nikka recalls, they weren't panicking but they went to see her OB-gyn just the same.
"We went for [an] ultrasound and our excitement quickly turned into sorrow. Pat and I found out that our baby’s heartbeat had already stopped, which is the cause of my bleeding," wrote Nikka. "I guess we will never understand why things are the way they are. We just lift it up to Him who does."
"The day my heart was shattered into pieces..."
She recalls that day (March 2) as the "toughest day of her life. The day my heart was shattered into pieces."
"I did not want to leave the ultra sound room," she recalled how they were still hoping for a miracle. "I wanted to wait a little longer just in case my baby’s heartbeat would come back. She recommended for us to go home and to decide if we wanted to go through the operation or another option is to allow my body to let it take its natural course. We went home in non-stop tears but still with the hope of some sort of miracle to take place."
The following day, Nikka began to go into labor. Having given birth to her two girls, Chelsea and Patrice, via Cesarean section intense contractions were something new to her.
"I remember asking forgiveness from my baby. I just kept saying that I was sorry..."
"I was bleeding non- stop. I cannot even begin to describe how scared I was. I stood up from my bathroom floor to grab a pillow to hold on to, and when I struggled to stand up, my baby came out of me," she continued, adding how she was delirious from the pain. "I held my baby in the palm of my hand. I cleaned him/her. At this time, I remember asking forgiveness from my baby. I just kept saying that I was sorry. I grabbed the first box I could get and placed my baby inside before I passed out from exhaustion."
When she woke up, she was locked in her husband's tight embrace.
"Just remember you have two beautiful girls and a husband who needs you. Stay strong for them…"
"No words spoken. Just the tightest hugs that assured and gave comfort. We cried together. We prayed together. It was painful. It was heartbreaking. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. We had just lost our baby. Our little Bean," wrote Nikka.
They buried "Baby B" the next day.
"I wish no parent will ever experience burying their offspring. Ever," she said. Nikka reminds herself it’s okay not to be okay. "Just remember you have two beautiful girls and a husband who needs you. Stay strong for them… you need to move on, one step at a time," she said.
"We lost a baby but we gained an angel," wrote Patrick on Instagram, paying tribute to Nikka. "I admire your strength."
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