Disciplining your child is a big part of rearing them the right way. But, is there a proper time and place for scolding them to correct their behavior? Should you wait until you get home or is it just fine to scold them right then and there, even if you’re in public?
This is exactly what mom Wendy S. was wondering. That’s why she took to theAsianparent Community to ask:
screengrab: theAsianparent Community
For Febby A, public shaming is good so long as your kid “understands what embarassing is. When they’re kids, I think people wouldn’t see it as punishment. But public shaming worth trying if you have teenager. They have more ego and pride.”
“I think it’s ok to discipline them in public, but only using the correct methods.”
Nadiah S. agrees. “I think it’s ok to discipline them in public, but only using the correct methods,” she clarifies. “I wouldn’t suggest yelling at them in public (or even when you’re not). Kids’ emotions are very gentle and you will scar them for life. And this will affect their social behavior in the future.”
photo: dreamstime
“I’ve been in instances of public shaming when I was younger and looking back, it was pretty traumatizing and embarrassing.”
“We all know how naughty kids can get but I personally don’t like the idea of public shaming based from experience,” writes Janine M. in response. “It will most likely lead to negative effects on your child as well as negative effect in your relationship with him/her.” She suggests diverting your child’s attention when you sense they’re about to act out in public. As for disciplinary actions, you can choose to be productive. Ask them to do certain chores/activities as consequences for their actions.
Idza B. also shared a similar experience. “I’ve been in instances of public shaming when I was younger and looking back, it was pretty traumatizing and embarrassing. I believe that effective punishment can be done at home or somewhere private. No need for public punishments.”
More parents weigh in on the next page
For Chiran D., it depends on how old the kid is as well as the medium for shaming used. “I am strongly against shaming on social networks since anything can go viral nowadays and leave a stigma on the kid’s life,” he writes. “When the kid is young, public shaming (in front of other people) up to a certain extent is ok according to me. It should be just enough to make the child realize about their mistake.”
For dad Nitin A., public shaming should not be encouraged as it might foster an inferiority complex in kids. He believes that “they might get more awkward in public gathering as they would be afraid all the time and very cautious about their actions.”
“Public shaming could make them feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed that they might stop listening to you at all out of anger.”
Mom Karina L. personally wouldn’t public shame her own kids. “At max, child could only be told off in front of his/her family. The point is only to make them realize their mistake which you could do by telling them how their actions adversely affects others and even themselves. Public shaming could make them feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed that they might stop listening to you at all out of anger,” she cautions fellow parents. “They respect you and what you say, you would not want your child to devalue all this because of your constant complaining in front of others. Do not loose your child’s faith.”
photo: dreamstime
“Children remember these things, and they carry it with them for life.”
Jessica F. also believes public scolding/shaming has lasting effects on a child. “It may create negative thoughts and repercussions on both the child and the parent, of which you’d most definitely want to avoid. Additionally, children remember these things, and they carry it with them for life,” writes the mom.
For mom Irean T. scolding kids in public is counterproductive because it may cause them to become less receptive to anything that their parent says.
“Your child may have made a bad choice or done something unacceptable, but this isn’t the sum of your child,” urges Ernelly K. “You know that while she/he may have done something you don’t like, it’s doesn’t mean she/he is bad. She/he is just learning and we all make mistakes, it’s important that your child knows this.”
READ: What’s the difference between child discipline and punishment?
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