Some celebrity moms, like Regine Velasquez and Michelle Van Eimeren, have proved that there are ways to form genuine friendships with someone your husband once loved. But what about regular, non-showbiz moms? Such was the concern of one mom over on theAsianparent Community, a Q&A app and community for parents.
“Sa tingin niyo ba kaya niyo maging friend ang ex ng asawa niyo?” asked Sara C.
“Civil lang, friendly,” wrote mom of two Carla P. in response. “But I wouldn’t go out of my way to form a bond with my husband’s ex. I’m actually FB friends with one of his exes – because we were friends when she and my husband were still mag-boyfriend.”
“No need naman to be friends with her, e,” responded Luz A. “If for an instance, naka-salubong sa mall out of nowhere, tamang smile lang or shake hands. No more no less.”
For Felicity O., avoiding contact with exes is one of the best ways to avoid conflict.
“Para maiwasan ang hindi pagkakaunawaan ng magsawa, iwasan na lang ang anu mang communication sa mga ex bf or gf,” she explains. “Baka kase mabigyan ng ibang kahulugan lalo na kapag sa FB nag-usap.”
screenshot: theAsianparent Community
For Angel D., she can never be friends with her husband’s ex. “Mas mabuti na rin yong wala,” she wrote. “Kung tapos na, tapos na. Gusto ko lang din comfortable kami both ng husband ko.”
“Kaya kung sa kaya pero hindi ko gagawin ang bagay na maaring makasakit or makasira sa aming magasawa,” emphasizes Joey S.
Soon-to-be mom Nirvana R. agrees with Angel that becoming friends with her husband’s ex isn’t a possibility at all. She recounts how she tried it before, but was discouraged when her husband’s ex-girlfriend tried to stir up conflict. “Si hubby daw daddy ng baby niya. Of course nag-away kami ni hubby but I trust my man more so I talked to the girl kasama parents ko. Turns out she’s lying lang pala.”
She tried being friends again with another of her husband’s ex-partners, but it also ended in disaster because the ex also lied so Nirvana and her husband would fight.
“Pero maganda lang talaga, kilala ko ang partner ko so naging katawa-tawa lang si girl. Kaya ngayon, Ive learned my lesson,” she state. “Kikilalanin ko muna ex ng hubby ko bago ko kaibiganin.”
What if your husband has a child with his ex, what then?
For some, it would be difficult to shut out their husband’s ex completely when kids are involved because the challenge of being friends is coupled with the responsibility of co-parenting. Author Cynthia Copeland recounts her experience on Psychology Today. Reaching out to her husband’s ex-wife, Martha proved to be a challenge.
Martha had been resistant when Cynthia would try to become more involved with her children’s lives. But Cynthia knew better than to pick a fight with her. After months of keeping her distance, she knew that she had to be there for her stepsons in some way. So she asked her husband about Martha and found out her distrust of others trying to care for her kids stemmed from her own troubled childhood.
Soon, Cynthia began reaching out to her, mother to mother, and eventually Martha warmed up. They weren’t the best of friends, yet, but it sure was a start.
LOOK: 4 Celeb moms who prove that you can be friends with your hubby’s ex
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