RELATIONSHIPS: A guide to the "New Normal" dating during the pandemic

Did you know that 75 million out of 94 million Filipinos are exposed to social media every day? From Pinterest to Facebook, Instagram to Tinder; every second that passes is a potential interaction to form a genuine connection with someone. With the month of love just around the corner, a single swipe might change your life. Not only did this pandemic bring about our talents and creativity, but I can attest that it has also closed distances between distant hearts – uniting them to beat as one.

Just two years ago, I met my husband through Bumble, a social networking application where, if you’re using date mode, women make the first move. When I was starting out, I was not a hundred percent convinced of online dating stories. I’ve always thought that “successful” love stories were purposeful and doesn’t happen to just anyone.

I was introduced to online dating while I and an old friend were having a conversation about girly drama. She mentioned that she was into online dating and despite my negative preconceived notions about online dating, she still showed me how things work– simply swipe left to reject a potential match and swipe right to indicate interest.

When I first took the plunge, it made me realize that the world is indeed a sea of people and you need to have the patience to get the best catch. I literally saw hundreds of men’s dating profiles from different locations near me. At first, browsing through these dating profiles made me feel like a job recruiter. You had to be able to sift through the rabble to match up with your ideal guy. Eventually, what kept me going at it was my fascination with the fact that I could meet a real person without ever leaving the comfort of my bed.

Before I met my husband, I had a lot of matches in my match queue. Since I was using Bumble, women only have 24 hours to make the first move when a match is found, otherwise, you’re going to lose that match. Some of my

matches just ended because I just felt lazy doing the first move.

One day, I sent a message to each person on my match list with a simple message of “hello”. I mostly got generic responses, but then this guy with long, beautiful hair, a hundred and eighty centimeters tall, wearing pair of glasses, came to my attention. I thought to myself “He is my guy”. That simple “hello” led me to more than just “good morning”, “how’s your day?”, or “have you eaten yet?”. We talked about life, our pasts, and our soon-to-be futures.

Since this guy was so fun to talk with, I wondered if we could meet. During that time, NCR was placed under the General Community Quarantine (GCQ) – some restrictions are lifted but safety health protocols were still implemented. After working out the complications that came with dating and meeting up during the pandemic, we both agreed and planned to see each other. We set our first-time seeing each other in person at a mall near my workplace.  I was so nervous and thrilled to see him for the first time. When I finally saw him, holding coffee for two, my hands were sweaty and I almost fainted from excitement. He’s insanely tall with very gorgeous hair. We exchanged “hi” and we went to the food court. Since we were going to be drinking coffee, there was the tension of seeing each other’s faces from beyond face shields and face masks. When we finally removed our covers, I was too stunned to speak; I couldn’t compose myself because he is very good-looking behind the protective veils.

Our first time speaking face-to-face was about pretty much everything under the sun, we talked about his dog, how I like my coffee, and how life in general has been for the both of us. As he still had to go to work later that day, our first-time meeting was abruptly cut short. Before waving our goodbyes, I asked for a picture together, as I had some fear over the fact that I might not see him again.

One of the things I am afraid of is being suddenly ignored or left out after getting attached. Questions like “Am I not likeable?”, “What if he blocks my number?”, “How would I start over?” were running through my head. I was getting tired of telling people that my favorite color is blue. I’ve had so many doubts about doing this. I must not get hurt by somebody I met over the internet. I thought to myself: “It’s cool, it’s okay, I am fine. I am alright.” I remember that it rained that day, the doubts and fears were starting to get to me but then he sent me a message saying he was home. This guy did not leave me hanging.

Using the internet as a platform for dating is really easy, but a scenario where you get to experience real love is anything but. Everything is risky: opening up to people, meeting them in an unfamiliar place, and trusting whoever you’re going to be with; however, with risk comes reward, I and my husband’s paths might not have crossed if I was too afraid of risking anything. To be successful with the gambles you’re willing to take, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. A dating app is like an ocean. There are hundreds of creatures down there so you need to be extra careful as some are just predators lurking around, waiting for the chance to strike.
2. Take things easy. Patience is a virtue. Waiting for your perfect match is like waiting for your online purchases to be delivered. However, you may experience unfortunate encounters like being ghosted – or being left out hanging, and of course, that’s normal. Keep swiping!
3. It’s okay to stay private. Trust is like a piece of crystal, once it breaks, it can’t be undone. It’s okay to want to withhold some of your personal information like where you live, your complete name, and/or some family history. If you are uncomfortable with sharing your name, it’s acceptable to use code names, aliases, or nicknames.
4. NEVER send nudes. Just don’t do it. Do not tolerate objectifying yourself.
5. Put up interesting things on your profile. I guess my dating profile is somewhat interesting. I added watching murder documentaries in the interests tab and I drink [liquor] and smoke [cigarettes] socially. I’m not quite sure if my past matches were really into gruesome crime stories, but you
6. know people would do anything to get noticed.
7. Don’t be a poser. Honesty is the best policy! It’s 2022 and posers are already canceled. Avoid saying and showing things that are too good to be true. Do not use a display photo that is not you. You can’t cook? Fine. Don’t love dogs? Okay. Genuineness is attractive.
8. Stay in the safe zone. Have you planned your first date? Consider public places like malls, parks, restaurants, or anywhere that is memorable for the both of you. It does not have to be expensive, but make look for somewhere safe and accessible.
9. Enjoy meeting people. Put out all the stops. Keep trying, take a rest, and be nice. The right person will come at the right time.

Just a disclaimer: These tips are based on my personal experience using Bumble. Your experience varies depending on one person to another. As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.