Keeping the excitement alive in the bedroom proves to be more challenging as time goes by, but for these couples, intimacy just becomes sweeter with age.
What are their secrets?
1. They’re not afraid to act like teenagers
“We’ve been married for 11 years and have three children, but my husband and I still have fun, just like we did when we were dating,” Caroline*, 39, tells Prevention.com. “We still ‘do it’ on the floor, even though we have a California King. Every now and then when he’s working from home, I’ll interrupt him in stilettos and a robe, or I’ll quickly flash him when we’re out and no one’s looking. When he tries to playfully grope me I don’t swat him away—it keeps the spark alive.”
2. Schedule intimacy
More than just sex, you have to set aside time for intimacy or one-on-one time. This makes romance even more exciting.
“Attempt to set aside a scheduled day and time for intimacy. Notice I said ‘intimacy’ and not just sex. For women, it is important to have time to connect with her partner, to help her feel more amorous,” writes Vanessa T. over on theAsianparent Community. “And for any guys reading this: helping with the laundry and letting the new mom take a nap is the BEST form of foreplay.”
3. Take risks
Be bold and open to new ways to please each other, like role playing. Mary Jo Rapini, in an article on HuffPost, shares how her sex life with her husband evolves and changes along with their marriage. Sex for her, now that she’s been married for many years, is much more satisfying, fulfilling, and intimate as compared to the so-called “honeymoon stage.”
4. Be in sync
In the same article, Rapini stresses the importance of being “connected” and in tune with one another. Understanding one another in a profound way helps you satisfy each other in ways no one else can.
5. Share responsibility
Taking turns initiating sex is what helped Alyssa (not her real name) and her husband maintain their sexual chemistry. You can come up with a schedule or play it by ear. Either way, it’s important that the “burden” to initiate and to lead during sex doesn’t fall on one person.
6. Break routine
“Sex should not be a chore,” says Hsieh N. Keep it fun and take turns initiating intimacy. There are times when you both aren’t feeling up to it, and that’s okay. Don’t be disheartened.
“Quantity has nothing to do with quality,” 50-year-old Patricia, who has been married for 14 years, tells Prevention. “My husband and I continue to find new levels of intensity. For us, it’s about treating sex as an opportunity to discover something new. The key to having a fulfilling long-term sex life is to shift your focus away from excitement, and focus instead on the richness and texture in every experience. There’s always the potential to be surprised.”
7. Embrace aging
Satisfying sex has no age limit. It’s even been known to offer many health benefits, keeping couples happy and energetic. Some studies even say it boosts brain activity, keeping the elderly attentive and sharp. Embrace the changes in each other’s bodies and do not be embarrassed because sex is an expression of love, no matter what season of life you’re in.
8. Manage expectations
In an effort to spice things up in the bedroom, don’t expect too much from yourself or your partner. Take it one step at a time. Remember: it’s not about the number of times you do it; it’s more about the quality of your intimate encounters.
9. Respect each other’s pace
“If you or your husband has a higher sex drive, it’s either you slow down or you speed up. If one of you have lesser interest to have sex, and even rejects too often. It might upset the other,” writes Charmaine K. “It’s hard to find someone that has the same pace as you. It’s about making it work.”
10. Make each other feel wanted
Showering each other with compliments counts as foreplay and reassuring your spouse you only have eyes for them through words and gestures will truly strengthen your bond and make sex more exciting and meaningful.
“I remember gaining 40 pounds with my first pregnancy and feeling so unattractive,” recalls Sharon (not her real name), “but my sweet husband still wanted to have sex with me, and always made a point of telling me how sexy and beautiful I was.”
READ: 6 Reasons why sex is even better in a long-term relationship
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