5 Common misconceptions about sexless marriages
Just because a couple isn't having sex, it doesn't mean they do not love one another. Don't believe it? Read on to find out more
Though sex is an important part of a relationship, it is not the sole basis of happiness–at least it’s not the case for some couples. About 20% of couples have gone a year without having sex, says the Indiana University’s National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior.
What is a sexless marriage? Just because a marriage is sexless it doesn’t mean intimacy NEVER happens. Technically speaking, a marriage can be considered sexless if a couple has had sex less than 10 times over the course of a year.
Couples do stay together and their relationship can survive without sex. Don’t believe it? Let’s take a look at what real couples have to say about common misconceptions about sexless marriages.
1. Sexless marriages survive because one spouse is cheating
Though men or women who cheat often attribute their infidelity to a lack of sex in marriage, this isn’t always the case.
“I love my wife, and I’ve had enough sexual experience in my life that I know what I have with her is far better than anything that’s going to be out there,” Adam* tells Prevention.com. “And I know what it would do to her if I ever did cheat, and I couldn’t do that to someone who is my absolute best friend.”
2. The wife is frigid or disinterested in sex
Blaming the wife’s loss of interest in intimacy as the cause of sexless marriages isn’t only unfair it is also often untrue.
“There are lots of reasons why people experience low desire, and in my practice I’d say it’s equally split between low-desire men and low-desire women,” reasons Alexandra Katehakis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, sex addiction therapist, and clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles.
3. Newlyweds are immune to lessened sex
A drop in sex drive isn’t only common in longtime married couples, even those newly married couples can suffer from this as well.
It could be that the romance was waning even before they tied the knot or it simply was not a priority for them to begin with.
4. It can be fixed by sexual changes in the bedroom
In the same way that there is no singular reason why sex stops in marriage, there is also no single quick fix to bring it back.
Even if you try all the sex tips–positions, moves–they won’t help if there is some emotional issue or disconnectedness that needs to be addressed.
5. It means there is no love or future for them
Again, just because there is no sex, it doesn’t mean there is no love. Couples in sexless marriage aren’t headed down a hopeless road. In fact, working through seemingly insurmountable struggles can even help deepen their commitment to one another, encouraging them to tough it out and helping them realize that it’s still worth fighting for.