REAL STORIES: "I lost two of my babies, and I wanted to give up. But God had other plans."

"I lost two of my babies, and I wanted to give up. But God had other plans." We bring you one of those short cervix success stories from a TAP mom from theAsianparent Malaysia

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Can a woman with a short cervix have a successful pregnancy? We bring you one of those short cervix success stories from Puan Nurul, a TAP mom from theAsianparent Malaysia.

In her story, you'll read:

  • Losing two babies in two years
  • What does having a short cervix mean
  • Short cervix success stories - third time's a charm?

Let me share my story based on my own experience of giving birth to a premature baby.

I got married in 2018, at the age of 26, with my heart's desire to be a soldier. At the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I were in a long-distance relationship because we were waiting for the process of getting our own quarters in the camp.

The beginning of  a long journey

In May of 2019, I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant. We were so excited about my first pregnancy. The first few months were tough, with morning sickness and allergies. I was always nauseous so it was hard to eat.

When my husband (also a soldier) got his own quarters, we moved in together.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, everything was normal. We came home from every checkup with news that our baby was healthy and growing well. By the 16th week, I began to feel the baby's movement in my tummy. I was so happy that I cried the first time I felt it.

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When I was 22 weeks pregnant, we returned to our village to attend my brother-in-law's wedding. On our second night, I felt a mild stomach ache. I brushed it off, thinking I was going to have a cold. But the longer it went, the sicker I got. I felt so bloated and uncomfortable.

I woke my husband up at 3 o'clock in the morning because I couldn't stand the pain. It felt like my back was breaking. I asked my husband to give me a massage. After that, I went to the bathroom because I thought I had the urge to poop, but I was shocked when I saw bloodstains on my underwear. I decided it was time to go to the hospital.

As I was getting dressed, I felt a very strong twist, and I screamed as I realized that my water bag has broken. There was a lot of water on the floor, then I saw blood flowing on my legs. My husband panicked and called his mom, who happened to be a delivery room nurse.

My mother-in-law rushed into the room, saw the water on the floor, and said that it was amniotic fluid. We rushed to the hospital, hoping that everything would be fine.

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Image from theAsianparent MY

Losing my first baby

We went straight to the emergency room where a doctor attended to me and checked the condition of our baby. During the ultrasound, he saw that the baby was doing okay, and the heartbeat is normal, but because of the amniotic fluid that was lost, he said that the baby might not be able to survive. I was 23 weeks pregnant at that time.

Later on, the doctor explained to us in detail how our unborn baby couldn't be saved because he was too small, and hospitals in Malaysia don't have the sophisticated equipment that was necessary to do it.

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After learning the news, came another painful part. I still have to deliver my lifeless baby, without any help, I was brought upstairs in a ward with four other patients, and I was left to give birth to my child alone. My husband wouldn't be able to accompany me, and they all had to go home to prepare for the wedding the next day.

The first tragedy

On October 11, 2019, at dawn, I gave birth to my eldest son. I saw a glimpse of him as the doctor cut the umbilical cord, but then my baby was brought to another room. I still hoped that there was a way for my child to be safe, but after a few minutes, the doctor told me that the baby was a boy, and he apologized that he could not save him. He weighed 460 grams.

That same day, the doctor showed me my baby. He looked so much like his dad. I was asked to lie down as he put the child on my lap. I touched her fingers and felt that it was very cold.

At that moment, I felt like screaming with all my might. I cried so hard. The doctor didn't allow me to hug the baby for too long because he was worried about my state. I was sent back to my ward to wait for my husband to pick me up.

My husband took care of the burial, as I wasn't allowed to come because I was still recuperating from what happened. We named him Muhammad Adam.

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I consider that as the first tragedy of my life.

The second time around

In December 2020, I got pregnant again for the second time. Some people think that the gap was too close, but I didn't abstain because I really wanted to get pregnant. I wanted to have a child. But despite that, I still cried every time I remember Adam.

My second pregnancy went smoothly, with less of the allergies and morning sickness this time. Each time we would come in for a checkup, I had so many questions to my doctor because of my history of premature pregnancy. I was also very careful and cautious this time around.

At 17 weeks, my husband had to be destined somewhere far for two weeks. I was left alone at home, but everything went fine. Hubby returned to camp after his deployment, but he still had to quarantine for two weeks before he can come home.

On the third day of my husband's quarantine, I felt a knot in my stomach. I tried to hold it, but it hurt too much that I was rushed to the hospital.

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Another premature delivery

As soon as I arrived at the hospital, my stomach felt really sore. The doctors gave me a checkup and said that it might be because of a urine infection. Somehow I was relieved. For a moment I thought it would be the same as what happened with Adam.

The doctor told me to go home and just come back if I felt something strange, but I refused to go home because there was no one in the house and I was afraid that something bad might happen when I am alone. So he just decided to give me an IV drip and painkillers.

As the nurse was about to poke a needle into my veins, it happened. I shouted as loud as I can as I felt my water bag break and my bed turn wet with amniotic fluid.

At this point, I worried that what happened to Adam would be repeated. I was taken into an ambulance and rushed to a larger hospital accompanied by 2 mission personnel. When I arrived there, the doctor monitored my baby's condition right away.

Leaving room for hope

The doctor said that the baby was still in the amniotic sac, and his heartbeat was normal. I was detained in a ward for a night, then I was told that I had to be transferred to another hospital as that hospital where I was in had a lot of Covid-19 patients. I told them I wanted to transfer to the hospital where I had relatives nearby.

The next day, my husband brought me to the other hospital. All along, I was praying that my baby would be safe.

Treatment continued at the new hospital. A doctor would come in to check on my baby's condition every 5 hours, and do heart scans. All the hospital staff and doctors were very sensitive to my situation, and for that, I am so grateful.

The doctor told me that my baby is strong, that even if the amniotic fluid has started to leak, there was still a chance that the baby would survive. However, there is still a risk of losing the baby due to lack of oxygen. He suggested that I eat fruit to speed up the baby's urination in order to restore the amniotic fluid, which I followed.

On my third day at that hospital, I started to feel sick to my stomach, like I needed to go to the bathroom. But the nurse didn't allow me as she was worried something else might come out. After that, I started getting contractions that were 5 minutes apart. I was given an internal examination and found that my cervix was already 4 centimeters dilated. At that point, I was just 20 weeks pregnant.

I was brought to the maternity ward where I would be giving birth alone again, with no promise that my child would be okay. I tried to hold back tears as I felt the contractions.

After an hour, my son was born. My husband came in and we saw our son. He was still alive.

He was so small, just as tiny as a palm, weighing 390 grams. Even smaller than his brother. Slowly his breath began to decline and he was running out of breath. I prayed that he would make it, but on April 5, 2020, I lost my second son. We named him Muhammad Azbin.

Image from theAsianparent MY

Third time's a charm?

After losing our baby again, my husband asked the hospital to investigate why the same thing kept happening. I went through a lot of tests and was not advised to get pregnant until the results came out. Probably for at least 6 months.

But God had other plans. The following month, I found out I was pregnant again. But this time, I wasn't happy or excited. I even thought of hiding the pregnancy from my husband and having an abortion. Losing a child was painful and I didn't want to go through it again.

But I looked at my husband. He was so happy that he refused to go to work that day. He was so thankful to God for this blessing.

Meanwhile, I felt stuck. I didn't want it this time. Before we even got the results of the previous tests, my husband already arranged for me to return to the village where I can rest, so that we would have a successful and healthy pregnancy this time.

Finding out why we lost the first two

I stayed in the village all throughout my pregnancy and sought treatment where my mother-in-law worked. The doctor looked at my medical history and test results and ordered that I undergo a cervical cerclage test.  At 13 weeks, I was admitted to the ward to do a cervical cerclage. After the procedure, the doctor ordered me to rest and take it easy.

Moving on with my third pregnancy, I followed all the doctor's advice and recommendations. I had follow-up checkups every month and my cerclage was also checked. When I was in my 20th week, the results of the cervical cerclage came out. It showed that I had a short uterus problem or a short cervix.

As my pregnancy progresses and my baby grows, my cervix becomes shorter and shorter. As a result, the uterus is unable to accommodate the baby, thus resulting in premature delivery.

Short cervix

According to the pregnancy website March of Dimes, a short cervix, also called cervical insufficiency or incompetent cervix means your cervix opens (dilates) too early during pregnancy, usually without pain or contractions.

Usually, during pregnancy, the cervix stays firm and closed until late in the third trimester.  As your due date gets closer, it opens, shortens, and gets thinner and softer so that the baby can pass through the birth canal during labor and birth. However, in some women, the cervix opens too early during pregnancy or is shorter than normal. This often leads to premature birth and miscarriage.

READ MORE: 

Real Stories: "I lost two babies in a row; I had a miscarriage followed by stillbirth"

Stress and Stillbirth: Excessive stress can cause stillbirth

How can your husband support you after losing a baby

At 25 weeks, I started to have spotting. I was rushed to the hospital where the doctor monitored my condition and the baby's. I went home, only to experience more spotting and went back again to the hospital.

This time, I was hospitalized for a month. As I was being monitored, the doctors found that my cervix was getting shorter and shorter, and any time, the baby can get out.

Because of my delicate condition, I was put on bed rest. I was only allowed to walk to the toilet. After taking a shower, I had to sit on a chair for 10 minutes. I was also given progesterone every day to strengthen my cervix. After a month, the size of my cervix has improved and I was sent home.

On my 30th week,  it happened. I felt water gushing from my legs. Not again, I thought. I started crying. My brother-in-law drove me to the hospital.

Short cervix success stories

The amniotic fluid kept leaking, and the doctor monitored me constantly. I couldn't believe this was happening for the third time in a row.

The hospital informed my husband to return home because it was possible that I will be giving birth. I was given IV drip again, and some drugs for the protection of the baby. We were already preparing to give birth anytime soon.

As I was transferred to a regular ward, I felt baby's movements becoming less. So the next day, I asked the doctor to perform an ultrasound. And my instincts were right. The baby was in distress and I needed to have an emergency cesarean delivery at 30 weeks.

Despite the challenges I experienced, I was able to give birth to my baby. While she weighed only 1.2 kilos and needed respiratory assistance, she was safe. Thank God.

My baby had to stay in the neonatal intensive care unit for two months, and because of the pandemic, I was only allowed to visit her once a week. But thankfully, she was gaining weight. By the time she was discharged, she had already weighed 1.9 kilos.

When she was a newborn, she would have trouble breathing and would gasp for air, and I would have sleepless nights worrying about her. But her condition gradually improved.

Now she is 8 months old. While I still worry about her and we still go to specialists to check on her condition, we're very happy that she is continuously getting better and stronger.

I may have lost two babies in a span of two years, but God replaced it with a rainbow and now we have our child, safe and happy in our arms.

Image from theAsianparent MY

Written by

Camille Eusebio