The adjustment from a couple to a family of three, four then five is one of the biggest transformations we have experienced as a couple and as parents.
Without a doubt, having a child causes a relationship to change for the better. In our case, we have three children. I can say that my relationship with my husband has improved and reached a new level. However, we did encounter many issues that did not exist in our relationship before becoming parents.
After having one, two, and three children, our relationship has experienced its fair share of ups and downs. We used to be each other's most important people, but now we must think about three more important people.
Having kids takes a lot of responsibility and energy that could drain you and your relationship with your partner, especially after childbirth. One of the most common reasons is exhaustion.
Due to tiredness, adjusting mentally and physically after giving birth, and balancing the duties of having three kids, my daily life has been greatly affected, and the physical part of our relationship also changed significantly. Going out and having fun together and with others is harder now than it used to be.
That seems like a lot when you're already struggling with so much change. While there are things you can do to work through them, it can be useful to realize that many of the ways your relationship is changing are very normal.
So here are some tips for handling issues and stress in relationships after having kids.
Find time to communicate and listen to your partner
Your lives are changing, and you need to talk about it. If you're angry or unhappy, you and your partner need to communicate and listen to what you want and what's bothering you.
Having baby blues makes life more difficult
You may experience a range of emotions. You start yelling at your partner and prioritize other things. This is normal but temporary. However, he may not understand what is going on in your head. So having open and honest conversations may make things simpler.
Dividing responsibilities
One partner may have more baby duties than the other. Sometimes this could be annoying. It's important to communicate in this situation properly. Discuss how to divide the tasks, this could lessen the conflict.
Plan ahead
Make time for each other, schedule it, and stick to it. It's okay to change how you spend time together. Ask your family, friends, or relatives to watch the kids while you are away as well. Most of the time, going to the grocery became our usual date.
Physical affection
Explore different ways of expressing physical love with a positive attitude, patience, humor, understanding, and willingness until you both feel ready. A hug, a massage, and a kiss, even on the forehead, may do the job, if you know what I mean. *wink*
‘Me’ time
Once you have children, not only does your time spent together change but so does your time alone. In reality, you may not have any. You can become better partners and parents by taking a break and regaining yourself. Take a breather and give yourself some love, too.
Parenting style
Every person parents in different ways, and that is acceptable. You can talk about any major disagreements and decide how you will work as a team, whether that means agreeing on a specific issue, adopting one parent's strategy, or accepting that you will disagree.
SOS
Lastly, ask for help. I know you are strong as it is, but hey, it is never wrong to seek help. If things go wrong and everything’s going out of hand, do not hesitate to ask your partner, family, or friends for assistance.
While it is challenging to raise our family, I can say that our relationship has grown stronger as we learn to appreciate one another as parents and as individuals and share experiences that unite us together.
My husband and I are not perfect, and neither is our relationship. But I have learned throughout the years that active listening in communication is the most vital part of every relationship, as nothing can be resolved with proper and respectful conversations.