What to do when cheating husbands go online
What would you do if you caught your husband cheating online? Read this for tips on how to check if he's cheating online and what to do.
In November 2014, Filipino netizens were all abuzz when news of an infamous Canadian cheating website had launched locally.
Known as "Ashley Madison", the site prides itself in being"the most successful website for finding an affair and cheating partners."
It goes on to say that "thousands of cheating wives and cheating husbands signup everyday looking for an affair."
While Singapore and South Korea have banned the site for its "flagrant disregard of our family values and public morality", local sources report that at least 2,500 Filipinos have already signed up since its launch.
But did you know that local sites or groups catering to philandering husbands and wives existed way before Ashley Madison even reached the Philippines?
Enter the "walkers", individuals who've turn to social media sites looking for strangers willing to have a "good time" at the drop of a hat.
"Walk" is a term that men and women use to casually look for people who want to hook up. So what may seem like an innocent message to you like, "Magwawalk ako sa Pasay", may mean that your husband will be engaging in extra-marital affairs with someone in Pasay.
On Pinaywalks.com, there is a line-up of girls who constantly post that they are in need of someone to "walk" with. They also mention how much they charge for certain services, their meet-up places, do's and don'ts and of course, their contact information.
Basically, it's an advertisement selling themselves either because they're really up for casual sex or they're a student who needs money for school.
While you need to be a member to avail of the website's messaging services and to be able to post announcements, access to the list of women is public so anyone can easily stumble upon all of this and contact the girl directly via the listed cellphone number.
Once an agreement has been made between the cheating husband and the woman, they meet up at the agreed location and proceed to "walk" or to "have coffee".
Click NEXT to know more about Pinay Walkers.
When looking through the "advertisements", you will come across several unfamiliar acronyms and terms. Don't worry though because we've listed the most popular acronyms here, along with their meanings:
1. BBJ- Back blow job
2. DATY- Dining at the "Y", oral sex
3. WOT- Woman on top
4. GFE- Girlfriend experience
5. CIM- "Come" in mouth
6. CIF- "Come" in face
7. PSE- Porn star experience
8. CD- Condoms
9. Unlipop- the male may "come" several times within a given time frame
10. PSP- penetrative sex partner or play sex play
On the other hand, there are several Facebook groups for "open-minded" individuals, one of the most popular being "Pasay, Bacoor and Imus Walkerz". The group not only shows several girls announcing their availability, but the girls also upload several "FR's" or sex reviews in an attempt to entice customers.
Some women even resort to "promos":
With casual sex available at your husband's fingertips, click Next for signs that he may be cheating online.
Signs that your husband is cheating on you online
1. Your partner has social media accounts but refuses to give you his passwords. If your partner seems bothered or tries to talk you out of gaining access to his accounts, then he could be hiding something.
This is especially true for accounts that you once had access to, but suddenly can no longer log into.
2. Your partner's body language is tense when using his computer or cellphone near you. Be weary if your husband suddenly shuts down or turns his computer away from you when you step into the room.
Even more so if his laptop is suddenly password protected. Furthermore, try to observe how quick he is to answer incoming text messages or calls. Especially if, once again, turned away from you.
He may say that it's private and work-related, when really he doesn't want to be disturbed while corresponding with another woman.
3. Your partner deletes the browser history on his computer. One way to keep tabs on your husband is to check the internet history so you can see the pages that he's been visiting.
Equally as important is taking note if he's made it a habit to clear the history before handing the computer over to you. This may be a sign of him "erasing the evidence".
4. Your partner is meaner than usual. Be weary if your husband begins picking fights with you over the littlest of things. Cheating men usually become either really sweet to their partner as a result of feeling guilty for doing something wrong.
Or they could become really mean and constantly fight with you, that way they feel that they can justify their affair.
5. Your partner has a second social media account - under a false name. Coming up with a second account without you knowing is enough to raise a red flag. Throw in the fact that he's using a name different from his? Something is definitely amiss.
Click Next for tips on what to do when you catch your husband cheating online.
What do I do if I catch my husband cheating online?
1. Determine the kind of relationship he has with the other woman. This may be a tough pill to swallow, but it's important that you better understand the relationship your husband has online.
Is it purely physical? Meaning does he only have sex for the sake of having sex?
Or does your husband have an emotional attachment with the other woman? The reason why you need to know this is because it will help you determine what steps need to be undertaken to mend your relationship - if you choose to do so.
2. Decide on what to do. Before you do anything, there are so many choices that have to be made. Choices that require calm decision-making. First, you must determine if your husband's cheated on you before.
If he has repeatedly, then are you willing to be vulnerable again and to continue on with the relationship? If not, are you willing to work on mending your relationship and seeing things through?
If you've decided to continue on with the relationship, then that means that you've decided to forgive him, too. Seems like the obvious thing to do, but it is easier said than done.
Forgiving your husband for his indiscretions doesn't mean that you haven't forgotten what he's done, but that you will make a conscious effort to not use it against him in the future.
Furthermore, if you have children with your partner, take their well-being into account when you make your decision. What you decide will effect them greatly, so do yourself a favor and take time out to mull over the situation.
3. Set boundaries. If you've decided that you will not tolerate infidelity and would like to leave the relationship, then it may be best for you to inform family and trusted friends. You will be needing their support as you undergo the process of separating from your partner.
You may also want to talk to him - calmly and directly - about the living situation. Who stays where? Will you move out and stay with family for the meantime, or will your husband be the one to pack his bags and leave?
On the other hand, if you decide to stay with your husband and he seems sincerely remorseful, calmly talk to him and tell him that you expect nothing less than to be treated with respect and that you will not tolerate such behavior ever again.
According to relationship expert Kristina Marchant, "handling him in this manner allows both of you to cool down and process things. It will show him that you are very upset and are strong enough inside to do something about this problem and not let it continue behind your back.
It also shows him that you are mature and know how to handle yourself without getting overly emotional."
Click Next for more tips.
4. Seek professional help. According to psychotherapist Lynn Somerstein of Goodtherapy.org, "Couples therapy will help you communicate with each other in a protective environment, where you can both be clear about your feelings and what may have caused this painful breach of trust, so you can figure out together what to do next."
She goes on to say that, "As you each learn how the other feels and thinks, you may develop more empathic responses to each other, and the marriage will strengthen. Alternatively, it may become clear that the marriage cannot continue—in this case therapy may help you part with less rancor, so that the good memories of your relationship can survive."
5. Take care of yourself and your kids. While you cannot control what your husband's actions, you can control yourself. While feeling angry and hurt is understandable, it is important for you to take charge of yourself and to do your best to make the best out of the circumstances.
Take this time to focus on taking care of yourself and of the kids, if you have any. Go get that haircut you always wanted, that massage you've been craving for, engage in activities that both you and the kids will enjoy!
Your husband cheating on you is sure to have crushed your self-esteem. Take charge of the situation and know your worth. Build yourself up again, and who knows? You might be strong enough to walk away from the situation.
Whatever you decide, make sure to make the best decision for you and your kids.
Has your husband cheated online? How did you handle the situation? Let us know in the comments section.
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