Why would a man keep cheating even after his wife finds out?

Share this article with other moms

Here are some possible reasons why, even after getting caught, a man chooses to keep cheating on his wife

Even after they are caught red-handed being unfaithful, some men will cheat again. It's a sad reality, but serial cheaters do exist. The popular saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not without its merits.

Though it would not be fair to generalize that all cheaters will cheat repeatedly, it is worth exploring why this seems to be the case for many couples.

Over on Quora, an interesting discussion brewed when a user posted this question:

Why would a married man keep a mistress after being caught by the wife?

"The flippant but most honest answer I can offer is that it is because he is still a scumbag," responded businessman Russ de Wolf. "Being caught cheating is almost never in of itself sufficient reason to discourage future cheating. Healthy, honest and well adjusted adults who love each other do not cheat on each other. Until both partners become healthy, honest and well adjusted, I would expect nothing to change."

"He probably enjoys the thrill of the possibility of getting caught. It's definitely an immature characteristic but that's probably what's driving him to continue. Once a cheater, always a cheater," writes Bangkok-based Kenny Chow.

 Mari del Rio agrees, serial cheaters think they can get away with it. "He clearly doesn't want to choose because he can't commit," she writes. "But if she doesn't leave him, he's not a good guy. Why would he stop being a bad guy if she'll accept him at his worst?"
Teacher and divorcee Patricia Shoup believes a cheating man will keep cheating because he cares more about his mistress than his wife.

"Why would a woman keep a husband after discovering that he has a mistress that she disapproves of?" wonders physician Jan Herman.

photo: shutterstock

Over on the Parenting Q&A forum and app ParentTown parents echoed the same sentiments.

"Yes, not only do I think that a leopard cannot change it's spots - but science has proven that a cheater will always cheat - due to genetic factors," writes Rose Cheung.

For mom Claudia Chia, the act of cheating is deliberate: "I think that cheating is a conscious choice, and if someone is able to get away with it once, they would do it again."

Psychologist and sex therapist Linda Hatch believes that serial cheating is rooted in both sexual addiction and deep emotional insecurity.

Here are some possible expert-backed reasons serial cheaters can't stop being unfaithful.

1. He is afraid of intimacy

In the mind of a serial cheater, he's still "on the market." He is not fully committed to you, even if he says so, even if you've been together for years. He refuses to be vulnerable and he resists anything that has to do with opening himself up and surrendering everything for the sake of your relationship.

2. He likes the thrill of it all

A cheater will cheat again because he loves the chase, the mere act of pursuing a woman makes him feel "like a man" who's still in control. He might be addicted to the thrill of chasing someone he can't have.

3. He's bored

Has the sex become lackluster? This is in no way the wife's fault, even if some men claim this to be so. It takes two to make intimacy work. If he's not fully invested physically, he's most likely detached mentally and emotionally.

4. He's unknowingly insecure

A serial cheater is someone who is struggling with deep-seated issues and insecurities. He may be intimidated by his wife's success or any other aspect of her personality. He may not even be aware of it, but he tends to overcompensate by being overly confident.

5. He is filled with pride

A serial cheater tends to seek out women who make him feel good about himself all the time. Again, this is in no way the wife's fault. Sure, there are women who may have shortcomings, but it is no excuse to be unfaithful. Marriage is commitment. Committing to someone isn't easy; if it were, then there'd be no cheaters.

Serial cheaters cheat because it is in their nature. It is a choice. In the same way that they choose to cheat, they're also the only ones who can decide if they're willing to change.

sources: Quora, ParentTown, PsychCentral.com, LovePanky.com

READ: ‘Once a cheater always a cheater’: Why infidelity happens more than once, according to science

Marriage Marital Issues