Parents know that their lives changed for the better when they embraced the beautiful journey known as parenthood. Little did they know that along the way, their daily vernacular and vocabulary would change as well. Unlike embracing parenthood, this change isn’t always for the better.
We took the time to talk to some parents and got to know some of the funniest and most outrageous things they’ve uttered since becoming a parent. The results were absolutely hysterical!
Here’s a list of 10 things you definitely didn’t say until you became a parent:
1. “Are you ready for me to wipe your butt?”
It probably goes without saying that before you became a parent, you weren’t asking this question too frequently. Now that the days of diaper duty and beyond are upon you, however, you more than likely ask this question quite often.
2. “Please don’t wipe your nose/boogers on me”
There aren’t any societies I can think of that would endorse this as an acceptable social norm. So, it’s safe to say that you never told anyone to refrain from using your body as a snot rag before becoming a loving parent.
Check out the rest of our hilarious list by clicking next!
3. “We’re having grown-up talk”
Remember when you were a little tyke and Mommy and Daddy would shoo you away so they could converse with other adults? Well, nowadays you probably do the same to your little ones. You finally get to be a “big person”! Oh, the joys of adulthood.
4. Various minced oaths
You’ve more than likely done all that you can to keep from using curse words in front of your impressionable little bundles of joy. That means parents everywhere are all too familiar with minced oaths like “Gosh Darnit”, “Jiminy Cricket”, “H-E-double hockey sticks”, and others.
5. “Eat your vegetables”
Moms and dads, I highly doubt that before you became a parent you walked around pontificating about the importance of eating healthy. If you did, kudos. The better bet is that you probably didn’t say this to anyone you know until you started worrying about your child’s nutrition.
6. “Do not lick the dog”
Dogs are for petting. Not for licking. Such a concept is an unspoken rule amongst your peers. However, this is a statement that many parents have had to say to their children.
Check out the rest of our hilarious list by clicking next!
7. “Is that dirt on your hands or…?”
We were surprised to see how many parents responded with comments related to potty time. This is a prime example of the bathroom related questions we heard in our quest for knowledge. In fairness, you probably never had to question or worry what was on anyone’s hands before you became a mommy or daddy!
8. “Go to your room”
If you ever told someone who wasn’t your kid to go to their room, they (without a doubt) laughed hysterically at you. Now that you’re a parent, when you say this phrase—you mean it. Someone’s in big trouble and timeouts are part of the foreseeable future.
9. “Hand Check”
Children are incredibly curious by nature. As a result, you’ve probably had to make sure to keep their hands in check. You may have shouted “hand check” (or something eerily similar) at any given time to make sure they aren’t touching, breaking, picking, throwing, dropping, or playing with anything that they shouldn’t be.
10. “Please stop eating your crayons”
If you’ve said this to anyone who isn’t your kid, you should change your friend group. In the realm of parenting, however, this seemingly ridiculous sentence isn’t so farfetched. There’s a good possibility you’ve had to wean your child off of the Crayola diet.
READ: 12 Moms share their embarrassing and hilarious childbirth stories
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