How the death of her son became their refuge

A brave little human and a mother unconditional love for his son.

Do you have a friend whom you haven’t seen and spoken to for so long? And when you see each other it’s like nothing has changed? Well, that’s me and my friend, Kristine Lim. Our personal lives have moved on and changed but our friendship didn’t falter, thanks to Facebook. But even though, we remained friends on social media, I guess our bond cannot be broken.

Death jolts us. Every time we hear and see someone die, we somehow look back on the things or we realize things that indeed life is too short. Knowing that makes us sometimes scared or use it to enlighten others that death could be a hard lesson to accept but it could also be a way to fix things. This is what happened to my friend, Kristine.

Last 2020 was a long battle for Kristine. Even before the pandemic started she found herself facing the hardest fight of her life. Artist and Missionary, Kristine, entered the 1st quarter of 2020 with the death of her son, John. It might sound ironic but her story is something we all need to hear (or read).

We’ve read a lot of stories about their children’s passing. But Kristine’s eulogy is not an ordinary one. It may sound simple but it is full of life and victorious testimony. What you are about to read is the richest narrative of the most important lessons we can dwell into. It is a brave and honest offering of realization on how we must see and face our days moving forward. Here’s the story of my friend, a story of a mother unconditional love.

Her eulogy read like this:

JOHN’s EULOGY: Mother, Kristine Lim

Giving thanks to everyone

Thank you to all of you who came here tonight, thank you to our parents, family, relatives, friends, and loved ones, thank you to all our prayer warriors who prayed day in and day out. Who prayed specific prayers that I texted them almost every day and who prayed without ceasing. To our Spring City Family, Wind Watch, LGI, and our friends from Victory and CCF. Thank you so much. Thank you to every single one who took care of John and thank you to all the hospital staff, nurses, and doctors. You know who you all are. Baka humaba ito masyado if I mention you one by one.

But I would like to take this time to tell you that “thank you” is not enough because you didn’t just do your job or your best. I saw how much you cared for my sons and that’s beyond what any parent can hope for from all of you. When all of you cried and as I see you crying still ~ I knew you loved John in ways I didn’t know and perhaps I will never be able to comprehend. I also would like to thank my husband, Jasper, for always hiding just to cry it all out during this season’s journey. You know my husband wants to be strong for me and our family and pati ‘yung pag iyak po nya (when it felt like we’re in the middle of the battlefield tinatago pa nya yan from me).

A loving and strong relationship

I-kwento na lang ‘yan sa akin nila Pastor Mike and mga friends namin or makita ko na lang si Jasper na mas chinito na than usual. But seriously… I thank my husband for braving the storm with me and I love you, babe. I know almost all of you don’t know anything about our son, John. Well, perhaps you know a few obvious things about him. He was a premature baby boy. He was the identical twin brother of Judah. You said He looked like his dad (pero I beg to disagree. Sure ako mas gwapo siya kaysa sa tatay niya.

Tingnan niyo naman ‘yan.) You might think he is gone too soon… waaay too soon… and because of this I know you are all deeply saddened and I pray for God’s comfort to fill all of you now. I also hope that by me sharing with you who John was I will be able to in a way comfort all of you in as well. Pasensya na kayo if I will have moments when I will need to pause or cry. Ganito siguro talaga magmahal ng sobra-sobra.

A few hours before John hugged Jesus I was with Doc Marti. We have been crying for three days and she told me,

“Mrs. Lim, forgive me if I keep on crying. I’ve been doing this work for a very long time. Every time a baby passes on I feel bad… but John is different.”

And John sure was different. . . . JOHN was a HEALER: When John and Judah were still inside my womb, John became Judah’s donor. John’s blood and nutrients got transferred to Judah. It was as if he already knew how to care for others before he was even born. But more than that… John was able to heal wounds no doctor can heal. Through Him, God’s healing overflowed. Damaged and broken relationships have been restored even those that have been torn for 8 years and more.

He is special

Hearts that had been broken were made whole. Mortal enemies were even made into loving and caring friends. Through John God’s healing was felt and it’s the kind of healing that left no scar of hurt or bitterness. JOHN was a WARRIOR: John knew how to fight and not just fight but he fought in victorious ways. He fought statistics, data, and research, he was born alive which broke expectations and he survived surgery at just a few days old. Also, he survived many other things and as what doctors said “we have no idea how he is managing to survive because we have no enough data to compare John’s case with. He is special.”

John, fought intubations. Doc. Baltazar and nurses told us John always liked to extubate himself. They couldn’t explain how he does it because that’s something not even an adult would dare to do. He liked or maybe “loved” extubing himself so much that they had to wrap him and his hands. John fought vents. He would fight the rhythm of the vents and would insist on breathing on his own. Doctors would say he would even insist on moving even if his body wasn’t even ready. He was a great example of the verse “the flesh is weak but the spirit is strong.” God also made John fought death many many many times.

God’s warrior

Too many times experts could no longer explain how. The nurses and I would even joke about these things saying John’s hobbies were extubating himself, fighting the vent, and resurrecting. As what his doctors said… He kept on defying the odds in ways they have never witnessed before ~ more so in a baby his size and condition. And John was no ordinary warrior. He was God’s warrior. In all his battles He glorified God. As Doc Karen said “John showed all of us God’s presence. John showed us what faith and prayers can do.

He showed us what miracles are and he did things that we could only describe as God doing it for Him. What you and John brought us was everything us doctors never thought we needed… but we needed it so bad.” JOHN was a TEACHER: Doctors kept on telling me they learned a lot from John.

I’ll be sharing with you a few of the many things John taught us. John taught us about LIFE. He taught us that living life to the fullest isn’t about living a long life but doing and fulfilling your purpose in every moment and allowing God to use you. John taught us about PAIN. Pain is necessary. I will always remember what Dra. Martinez told me. She said,

“I learned a lot from him. Sabi siguro ng Diyos masyado na akong matigas kaya pinadala niya sa akin si John.”

Indeed in our pains we learn and in our breaking, we are made new. John taught us how to FORGIVE ~ not just others but also ourselves. There is never any room for regrets, pain, and sadness because all are God’s will. We must never be bitter about things that God intended to make us better. John taught us about DEATH. John was a reminder that in God there is no such thing. In John’s many moments of coming back to life over and over God spoke a message.

READ MORE:

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What John taught us

No one holds anyone’s life. It is only God who holds our lives and it is not death but only God who gets the final say. In John’s final moments he taught us how to rejoice and celebrate because this world is fleeting but life beyond here is eternal. John taught us about LOVE. Through him, God’s perfect love was magnified. God’s love-filled and overflowed friends, family, nurses, doctors, staff, and even strangers. Love is not only for those we know or for those we think are deserving of it. Love is for everyone even those you haven’t met like John who spent his life inside the NICU. There is no better truth about God’s Love than the truth that it never fails.

John may have been here for what we deemed as a very very short period. I and my husband prayed hard. People prayed so hard. We thought nakakahinayang. Sayang. But God’s will is better than what we had in mind for John. Hearing friends, strangers, nurses, doctors, specialists, and experts in their respective fields say how they were not only touched but transformed invalidates the thought that John is “Sayang”.

John was able to accomplish far more than what we already have. He had accomplished all of his missions and more. I know this for a fact because two individuals who didn’t know each other told me the EXACT same line. On two separate occasions for two consecutive days before the day John joined Jesus they both said,

“Kung tutuusin nga Mission Accomplished na si John eh.”

That was Pastor Mike and Dra. Martinez. I knew it was God speaking to me and He said His message clearly. John is not just an answered prayer. God sent John to Him to answer all my prayers and other people’s prayers. He sent John to make His presence felt in undeniable ways. He sent John, as what doctors and parents at NICU have been telling me (to have) “a great privilege to witness God’s many miracles.”.

He used John to move us, search us, break us, mold us, and transforms us. I thought in John’s leaving I will feel a void. I thought I will have this aching emptiness in my heart. Yes. There are and will be sadness and tears. I would be lying to myself if I said there wouldn’t be any. But it’s not void. It’s not the emptiness that I feel. For the longest time, I felt like a failure and a loser. I was judged, mocked, ridiculed because of the things that I did, the failures and unfortunate things that had happened in my life, and because of the all mental diagnosis that I was labeled with. I was called nasty things even by those I considered friends and close to me.

But for the first time in the longest time, God made me feel I did something amazingly good and right. He allowed me to be a mother to John. I feel complete. Nakaka-proud maging nanay mo, anak. Doc Aye would always remind me to “pray and keep the faith” and I sure will ~ not because it always made me get what I want but because it always gave me more than what I can ever ask for. I asked God for a son and he gave me two.

A healer

He also gave me a healer, a warrior, and a teacher, he gave me so much more. Through John, God again reminded me of who He is. God is faithful. God is good. We thank Jesus for choosing us. It’s a great honor and privilege to carry this cross. People thought we are weak, I am weak, John was weak, but He knew otherwise. Lord, thank you for the life and legacy of John. Thank you everyone and good evening.

A mother unconditional love: What Kristine taught us?

We knew Kristine even before she had children. We already knew that when she becomes a mother, she will be the type of mom who will do everything and anything for the betterment of her family. So, knowing that John passed away, I thought Kristine would turn into a sour person. But, no. Instead, she used the death of her son as her family’s refuge. That through John, she now understands the true meaning of Christianity. And that is to love unconditionally. Its a mother unconditional love.

I must say that Kristine may have lost her son but she and her whole family, no doubt, won the war! Going beyond positivity and having the courage to accept all that will come is what John’s eulogy gave me to face this 2021 confidently. I pray that this will also show you that there is always the glory of God in every moment that we find ourselves in; and when we realize that, we see that indeed, we are always standing on His victory.

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