"After a work trip, when I got back home, I realized that my 9-month-old daughter had started preferring my maid over me! She did give me a smile when she woke up, but when she saw my maid she gave a huge grin, and reached out for her to carry her. I felt heartbroken!"
"Earlier she would insist that I carry her the moment I entered the house, and refuse to leave my arms. But now, it looks like she needs my maid more than me, whenever she's hungry or sleepy."
"All of a sudden, I feel so unwanted! Am I the only one going through this problem? How can I win my child's affection back?"
Mommy Charmaine is hardly alone, many moms have reported feeling jealous and insecure when their bundles of joy seem happier in the company of their maid. Mommies, we feel you. We all want our maids to be perfect at housework, and look after the little ones well, without threatening mommy's place in the family.
Moms, worry not, here are some things to do and remember, if you think your child loves the maid more than you:
1. Stop worrying
Mommies, please stop blaming yourself. For this is usually a phase, this too shall pass. And it's not just working moms who have to deal with this guilt. Babies have been known to go through attachment phases even with stay-at-home moms.
In fact, you should be relieved that your child is able to form a loving bond with more than one adult in his life.
2. Feel happy
Be happy that your baby loves your maid, it shows that she is taking good care of him! It means that when you are gone, he is in good hands, and that, your child is safe and loved when you are not there. Aren't you lucky?!
Be confident and remind yourself that, you remain your baby's mother, no matter what.
Again, be proud of your little one for being able to forge strong relationships with the many adults in his life, be it his parents, siblings, grandparents or the maid. It shows that he's growing up to be a loving, sociable child!
3. Make up for lost time
True, you are dead tired at the end of the working day, and would much rather rest. But this is the time that you should use to connect with your little one. Immerse yourself into childcare duties like feeding, bathing and diapering, wholeheartedly.
Also, make an effort to do some fun stuff and enjoy the company of your child. Play, sing, laugh, cuddle, read - the more fun you can have with him, the better!
Many mommies feel that sleeping with their babies actually helps in strengthening the bond with their little ones.
4. Talk to your maid
Communicate with your helper and let her know that you want to be more involved in fulfilling the emotional needs of your child.
Also when you are home, and your child is distressed, don't just stand back because he prefers the maid. Be proactive, and try to soothe him anyway. If he protests, ignore it; be gentle with him and don't take things personally. With persistence, the negative reactions will surely pass.
5. Have more 'family only' time
How about planning for that 'family only' trip? It's a good way to start things afresh. Apart from that, spending time exclusively with your child on weekends, without the helper, is also a great way to bond with your bub.
6. Reconsider arrangements
If it still bothers you so much, mommies, you might want to consider re-working your care arrangements. You could opt for a part-time or work-from-home arrangement, so that you can spend more time with the baby.
READ: Mother of 3 jailed for spitting at and abusing her maid
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