Is there one best way to raise a child? We may have different opinions on this. Read one VIP Parent's letter to her children about why she decided to go the traditional route.
What can you read in this article?
- Mommy Charrie's letter to her two kids
- Why this parent believes in conservative upbringing
We all grew up in different ways, with different beliefs and lifestyles. There may be experiences and learnings that you appreciate, and some you don't.
Now that you are a mom yourself, do you have any thoughts on the best way to raise a child? Have you thought about the values you want to pass on to your kids?
I'm writing and sharing this with my kids with the hopes that they would somehow understand what they will go through and realize that what I do to them is because of only one thing - love.
Mommy Charrie's letter
To Cassie and Joaquin, I want you to grow up, the way I was brought up - conservative and overprotective. I want you to learn what your Lolo and Lola have taught us. And if my being overprotective makes you cry - remember that I cried too. You see, your mom grew up in the province of Bulacan and your Lolo and Lola were very strict with us. They are very traditional in terms of lifestyle, especially because we were mostly girls (2 girls and a boy). There was no laughing out loud when there are boys around. Late night parties, sleepovers, concerts - these were all “bawal” or prohibited for us. They let us study in an exclusive school for girls from grade school to high school because they were trying to protect us from having boyfriends at an early age. During my high school days, I didn't feel like I lacked something or I was missing out because I wasn't able to attend these events. It was during my college days when I started crying. Because I felt I'm already too old to be protected. This is where I saw that they were preventing me from being happy. That was how I saw it, at first. I did not understand them fully, because I felt I was just being obedient. But I don't neglect the fact that as a Mapuan in an Engineering course, half of my friends were boys, and this was where their worries were coming from.
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To settle this, their rule for me to be able to go out especially at night is to always have my sister or brother with me. Fair enough! So all my friends were close to my siblings, especially with my Ate since she is the one who drives me home. I also allowed my friends to visit our house often to let my parents see the kind of friends I have. I felt late in experiencing everything because I was only able to do and experience what I want after I graduated. I was a certified late bloomer! But I also felt special, because I was protected. It might sound boring, but I would rather describe it as simple and domesticated. And this is what I want to pass on to you, my children.
Would I say that this was the best way to raise a child? I don't know. But it worked for me. And when I became a mom, I talked to my parents and said to them, “Now I understand why you were protective of me. Because this is also what I want to do for my children." I'm grateful that me and your Tatay have the same standpoint on this. I still remember how your Tatay courted me for a year and obeyed all the rules your Lolo and Lola requested from him. He always told me that it is also the same values that he wanted his children to grow up with. So I hope that you will both acquire and apply these in the future. That's why as early as now, we are trying to explain to you the value of being home before dark, doing simple chores at home, and choosing our clothes. Tatay also explains why makeup and nail coloring are not for kids (although he gives in to our kaartehan sometimes).
Image from the author Although I know that this era is not the same as ours and that when you're older, you get to decide for yourselves if you want to pass on this kind of upbringing to your kids. We do not know what the future holds, but I pray that you will appreciate the values that we instilled in you. I will always be thankful that your grandparents brought us up in a conservative manner and that they were protective of us. In a way, it may have hindered us to enjoy our youth, but it has brought us to safe adulthood. And I hope you feel the same safety and security from us, your parents. With so much love, Mommy