First-time moms can definitely relate to Camille Co and her struggles while taking care of her newborn baby.
What can you read in this article?
- Camille Co shares about the day she broke down
- Well-meaning comments that don't always help new moms
- What Camille Co want other new moms to know
We admire vloggers because they give us inspiration. But sometimes, we also look up to them because we can relate to their struggles. Just like fashion and lifestyle vlogger Camille Co sharing her journey as a first-time mother to her baby girl Sienna.
Last April 24, Camille diverted from her usual vlogs of good vibes and inspiration to talk about something that is not usually seen on social media.
"Even though I only want to share good videos and happy inspiration to you guys, I think it's good to share bad days as well. The days most new moms like me don't share on social media." she said.
In her recent vlog entitled, "My Breaking Point," Camille Co shared in full detail, the day she broke down while taking care of her newborn baby. She even had a script (for the first time ever, she said) so that she wouldn't forget anything that she wanted to say.
At the beginning of her vlog, the new mom talked about how she felt she needed to share her raw thoughts and feelings, with the hopes that someone, another mom who's feeling the same wouldn't feel as alone as she did going through it. "So she wouldn't feel as alone, she wouldn't feel that she's the only one, the only mom who's failed while everyone else seems to be doing just fine," said Camille.
"Maybe she'll finally realize that what she's going through and what she's feeling is normal. That it's part of motherhood and part of the journey," she added.
The day she broke down
Camille Co revealed the exact time when she broke down while taking care of her baby. It was the day her husband, Joni had to go to work, so she was left alone with their newborn.
Since Sienna has been incredibly fussy in the afternoons during the past week, Camille kind of knew that it was going to be hard. However, she never expected it to be extremely challenging.
"The past week has been hard. Sienna has been difficult during the afternoons. My breaking point came that one day I was left alone by Joni. He had to go to work so it was just Sienna and I. Few days before that, she has already been fussy in the afternoons. So I knew that it was going to be hard, and I knew that it was going to happen once again that day, but I never expected it to be that challenging." Camille shared.
Camille Co's baby would not stop fussing - she felt like it was a marathon of feeding and crying and fussing. Sienna would fall asleep only to wake up again after a few minutes and cry angrily.
"It was just a never-ending thing," Camille shares. "It was a complete cycle. Like she just kept crying and I would feed her, then she would pee and poop, and then I would change her, then she would cry again. I just - I felt so helpless," she confessed.
What made it worse was that she had a meeting scheduled that day, so she skipped her lunch, and all the while feeling so unaccomplished, there was another thing on her agenda. Camille still took the call because she didn't want to disappoint anyone. But what made her feel worse?
"All the other celebrity moms were picture perfect. No one else had a crying baby in the background. Then there was me on the other hand, who hopped on the call and the first thing that everyone hears is a crying, angry baby in the background" she said.
Instead of her usual greeting in meetings, the first thing she says is, "Hi guys, that's my baby crying. I'm so sorry but I'll just put myself on mute. I still have to take care of my baby."
Everyone in the meeting was empathetic and told her that it was okay, but that just made Camille feel worse and intensified the feeling of self-pity. "I was like, 'Okay, everybody probably thinks I'm a failure of a mom." she said.
The moment she broke down
The meeting ended and yet Sienna was nowhere near zen. The cycle continued, and Camille's body ached from hours of carrying and pacifying her angry baby. At that moment, she found herself breaking down while holding Sienna in her arms.
"Before I knew it, I was just crying to myself in complete silence as I held Sienna in my arms, and the tears just kept falling," she confessed.
Camille felt so frustrated, and her patience was running thin. She was so mad that she can't make her baby feel better, and now she's letting her frustrations win.
Thoughts on a downward spiral
A lot of thoughts went through her mind, most of them negative. First, she started questioning herself as a mother.
"I was just thinking, what kind of mom am I? I just felt so helpless, I felt like such a huge failure." she shared.
Then there's the thought that babies can feel it when their mom is stressed, which then added to the pressure and the guilt, because then Camille Co thought, "Oh no, I'm passing my stress to the baby."
She also started thinking of factors like milk supply (she has not finished her food and drank enough water). Then a feeling of resentment towards Joni, who can enjoy his morning coffee, work like usual and sleep in at night.
But she realized how lucky she was to have a loving husband, and that added to the guilt even more. "I'm such a bad person for being resentful. How dare I think of my supportive husband this way," she said.
For Camille, it was just an endless cycle of guilt, frustration, and shame.
"What am I feeling ungrateful for? I don't even have the right to feel this way." she thought.
Her midwife came to the rescue when other helpers in the house told her that the baby has been crying nonstop. So then Camille thought, "Everyone in this household probably thinks I can't take care of my baby. Everyone probably thinks I'm the worst mom ever."
It didn't help that baby Sienna stopped crying the moment the midwife held her. It left Camille feeling incapable and thinking, "Okay, my baby probably just hates me."
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Comments that don't always help
In her vlog, Camille gave examples of well-meaning comments or advice that don't really help first-time moms, especially when they're dealing with a fussy baby, like people telling you not to feel bad because babies are normally like this. "When you're so frustrated and so down and full of shame and guilt and frustration, all logic goes out the window," Camille shared. "Your emotions usually come first." Also, telling a new mom to "Trust your maternal instinct" does not always come out well. "I'm a new mom. I'm so clueless," she confessed. "When you've tried everything and nothing seems to work, it just makes you second-guess everything. You just feel like everything you're doing is wrong," Camille added. Then there are tactless comments like you have a high need baby, or a fussy baby, which the new mom takes even more personally because she was the one who made the baby. Camille said this makes her feel attacked and doesn't do anything for her guilt."You're not alone"
In that challenging moment, the usually confident vlogger just felt a wave of emotions and self-doubt. "All I know is I feel so helpless and ashamed and embarrassed and frustrated," Camille shared. She also felt so isolated, which is how most moms feel when taking care of a baby by themselves. "No matter what people tell you, everything just feels so bad and I felt so alone," she added. However difficult and challenging that experience was, it inspired Camille to talk about it on her vlog, to remind other moms that they are not alone and someone out there feels the same way or has experienced going through something challenging."I thought of writing my thoughts down and sharing this because maybe you, also, if you're a mom, you feel the same way as I feel. I just want you to know that you're not alone, because I certainly felt so alone," she revealed.
She shared that like other moms, she gets picture-perfect days, but Camille also wants other moms to know that there are also days that are just hard, especially when you have a baby.
"Sure, there are a lot of these picture-perfect days and it's great, where the mom is smiling and happy and looks well-rested and the baby looks peaceful and loving to the mom. But then, there are also a lot of difficult days, especially with newborns," said Camille.
Camille Co and her Baby Sienna. | Image from Camille Co's Instagram account
Post-partum depression
In her vlog, Camille mentioned that she wasn't sure if what she was feeling was postpartum depression.
After a woman gives birth, she may experience a feeling of sadness and irritability, caused by the physical and hormonal changes that came with the new baby. This is called baby blues or postpartum blues.
Baby blues usually last for up to two weeks after the baby's birth. However, if it lasts for longer than that, then it might be classified as postpartum depression.
According to Healthline, here are some common symptoms of postpartum depression:
- loss of appetite
- fatigue
- excessive crying
- difficulty bonding with your baby
- restlessness
- insomnia
- anxiety and panic attacks
- feeling intensely overwhelmed, angry, hopeless, or shameful
If you're often feeling intense emotions two weeks after giving birth, it's best to get in touch with your doctor so you can be tested for postpartum depression.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help because your provider won't think you're weak or a bad mom for having these symptoms. According to research, about 1 in 8 women get postpartum depression.
"It's part of the journey."
The new mom shared that what made her feel better were messages of reassurance from other moms telling her that what she went through was normal, it's part of the journey and she can just let it all out.
"What really helped me was when you guys also shared your feelings, saying that 'I've been through it also, it's gonna get better.' 'It's normal to feel this way.' 'It's okay to feel this way, it's not just you.'"
We totally get you, Mommy Camille.We admire your honesty about this!
Moms, can you relate? Tell us in the comments section!
Source:
Healthline, Camille Co's Youtube channel, CDC