There has always been an uneasy relationship with men and female orgasms. Be it a lack of understanding of the female genitalia, or a total lack of a ‘map’ so to say to help her reach the pinnacle of ecstasy, men falter. Add the concept of a g-spot, something not physically demarketed as a clitoris, and you can imagine the condition the man would be in! Well, this article is for those men who want to rock their partner’s world but are not able to find the g-spot.
A fault in men
Men are visual beings. They understand better by ‘seeing’ rather than ‘feeling’. And that is where the first fault line appears. The female orgasm is not often visual. I mean, the man wouldn’t know if the woman truly came or was just faking it to put an end to the act.
Also, locker-room talks are about exploits, often fabricated, instead of comparing notes. Many are not even sure if they are doing it correctly. And so, most of the men cannot give an orgasm to their partners, resulting in orgasmless marriages, unless the woman decided to take the matters in her own hand.
The complexity of a woman’s orgasm
For a guy, it is simple. A male orgasm is because of a saturation of impulses from the nerve-ending rich glans penis. Sure, there are other ways to produce an ‘ejaculation’ like a prostatic massage. But, that is not a part of the normal lovemaking. This is not the case in women.
A woman can apparently orgasm because of stimulation of any or many of her erogenous zones. The most common types of orgasms are clitoral and vaginal, caused by a masterful stimulation of the clitoris and the vagina respectively. However, some women can come by just the stimulation or nipples, or even ears. For a guy, it is like driving a car needs 6 steering wheels to control it! It is confusing, and the lack of an instruction manual is frustrating.
Well, here is an instruction manual
Before I begin, remember this, a woman is an exquisite creation of nature. Though they share the same genetic composition, each woman is different. So, you need to find out for yourself what works for her. That said, you have to begin somewhere, and this is a rough guide to smooth sex.
Basically, there are three things you have to do if you want to rock your partner’s world. To start with, you have to turn her on. It is not an ‘on/off ‘switch. Well, it is not an ‘on’ switch, you have to perform a series of manoeuvres to get her there. However, if you make one wrong move, the ‘off ‘ switch is triggered. Once you turn her on, like in life, you cannot let her down. You have to continue exciting her without a lack of tempo. This is a critical step as most of the mistakes happen here. This is not the time to be clumsy.
Lastly, you have to put her before yourself and work towards her orgasm. You need to make use of all the tools you have at your disposal – tongue, fingers, teeth, penis, and everything else to which you both mutually consent to. Luckily, you can get a small vibrator that works like a cheat-sheet. However, a word of caution. You cannot beat the vibrator. So proceed at your own risk here.
Step 1# Getting her ready
You might have read a lot about setting the mood right. However, after a few kids in the same house, it is impossible to be impulsive and sweep her off her feet. Well, you can try, but it is not possible to get or afford a babysitter every day, or even a few days in a week!
The least you can do is not to piss her off. Cook a meal for her without messing up the kitchen. Or just order good food. Keep the bedroom tidy, and make sure that your clothes and socks are not lying anywhere in her sight. Take a proper shower, and smell good for the night ahead.
You know what turns her on. If you are clueless, give her a gentle massage. And don’t rush. If you put in 24 minutes of foreplay, you will have the night of your life! Don’t time it, stop looking at the clock. Instead, concentrate on kissing her while gently stimulating her secondary erogenous zones with your fingertips. Stay away from the breasts and her genitals. Instead, concentrate on her earlobes, the small of her back, her spine, the small spot below the ‘V’ of the scapula.
Make an imaginative use of your breathing, fingertips and tongue.
Step 2# Continuing the excitement
This begins when she is sufficiently aroused. You will notice this when her breath feels warmer and her breathing becomes shallow. She may have a flushed face, and the nostrils feel warmer than usual. Now, take your time to undress her and ask her to do the same to you. Now you need to move to the primary erogenous zones, the nerve-rich Nipple-areola complex, the clitoris and the vagina. Surprise her by exploring her perineum.
Now, here is where the g-spot is roughly located. However, there are two things about it. One, you may not find it. Two, even if you do, she may not like the sensation. So give it a try, but don’t be too hung up on finding it. Concentrate on other treasures around it.
Again, the key is patience. So instead of poking and prodding like in a medical examination, use your fingers wisely. The best way to start with is the medial aspect of your ring finger. With that, start entering the vagina. If you look closely, you will see where the skin ends and the pink mucosa of the vagina begins. stroke it along its length using the inner aspect of your ring finger. This will send shivers down her spine.
Next, you need to use your fingers and tongue.
Step 3# Orgasm number 1
By this time, she is very excited. Next, you need to use the fingers and tongue simultaneously. With the middle finger, enter her and do a small ‘come here’ action stroking the anterior aspect of the vagina. I hope you know how to locate the clitoris. With index and the ring fingers, separate the folds and expose the clitoris. The problem with the tongue is, you might get tired. So, the rule of the thumb is, for every 3 ‘come here’s’ flick one light stroke using your tongue from the base of the clitoris to the tip.
Be consistent.
Later, when you sense she is near to an orgasm, make it 1:2, and later 1:1. Let her orgasm at least once before you enter her. Once you are inside, you need to respond to what she likes. Now, you can work towards your orgasm as well, and she will work towards her. Chances of a better orgasm increase when this happens. You can become adventurous and apply a light pressure on her perineum when you are having sex. This will guarantee that she has an orgasm in record time. And, if you are a sprinter, slow down when she orgasms and pick up speed. She will have another in rapid succession.
3 orgasms are enough to rock her world each time, what do you think? Be prepared to her snoring off to sleep immediately afterwards.
Republished with permission from: theAsianParent Singapore
