So you know your little one has seen you and your partner during sex. What happens next? Do you act like nothing happened? Do you get up and run after your child or talk to him at once?
We’ve put together advice from both mommies and child psychiatrist Dra. Ann Princess Grana-Nespral, who is from Butuan Doctor's Hospital and one of only two practicing specialists in Mindanao, on how to handle these not-so-little mishaps. Let’s hope their advice helps you out for when kids walk in on parents during sex—you’re certainly going to need it!
What do you do if your child catches you during sex?
Do not dismiss the incident
If you dismiss the incident and leave it to your child to process on his own, Dra. Nespral warns that he may try all sorts of things and act differently:
- inappropriate sexual play
- self-exploration
- anxiety and irritability
So you better be ready to handle this, mommies and daddies!
You're in big trouble.
Dra. Nespral says that your child may be anything from curious to afraid thanks to his walking in on parents during sex. While he may not show any immediate response to the incident, it's surely going to affect him.
Keep calm and be a parent.
First things first, do not freak out. Cover up calmly and tell your child to leave the room so you can compose yourself. Just make sure he doesn’t sense the disaster that just happened.
Tell him he didn't do anything wrong.
He may think that he did something wrong and you’re mad. Assure him it’s not his fault.
Apologize
Go and talk to your child calmly. He may be feeding off the tension and your panic. Say, “I’m sorry you had to see that but that’s something only for moms and dads. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Ask what he saw
You have to find out what he saw and how he processed it. This would give you a better idea on how to talk to him. The key here is to not add any more details to what he knows!
Don't be embarrassed
Things can get worse if your child realizes how bad it is when kids walk in on parents. While you should be embarrassed, your child may feel even worse because he doesn’t want to you to get hurt or mad. Focus on his feelings, not on yours.
Dispel his fears
Ask him how he feels. This may be the hardest part of the ordeal when kids walk in on parents. You’re going to listen to every single detail. If you don't process this correctly, he may end up getting a skewed view of sexuality and begin to experiment at an early age. Soak up that guilt and remember it so this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.
Tell him Mommy and Daddy love each other
Mommy Jennifer Delos Santos Teñido says that you can tell him that it is lovemaking. Moms and dads do it because they're in love. She suggests saying, "Daddy was giving mommy a hug for married couples."
Tell him he can only do it when he's earning his own money
Some moms found a great way to turn the incident into an important lesson for their children. Mommy of one small daughter Tin Macayan said that she told her child he can only do that when he’s much older and working. Let’s hope the lesson sticks!
Design an appropriate response for his age
Dra. Nespral provides a short dialogue you can use when kids walk in on parents during sex:
Child: What were you doing mama?
Parents: We didn't see you, what did you see?
Child: Papa was on top and hugging you.
Parents: Papa was showing how much he loves your mama by giving her a hug.
This is not the time for the birds and the bees
Should you use this as a jumping point to start the sex talk when kids walk in on parents? Not yet. When a kid walks in on parents, it's an awkward experience that may scar him if you first don't defuse any tension he may be feeling. Calming him down is priority.
New house rules
How about requiring everyone to knock first? This should include even you, Mommy and Daddy.
Lock your doors
Really, preventing your kids from walking in on you should be this simple.
Better do it in the morning!
Practice delayed satisfaction by talking dirty with your hubby all day so you can get it on when the kid is asleep. You might also want to do it in the morning when he's at school so there’s no chance of the kids walk in on parents having sex.
Things can get ugly
Co-sleeping is popular in our culture so you may not realize it but your kids may have already seen you! What’s the worst that could happen when kids walk in on parents during sex? How about kids emulating what parents do with their siblings?
Mom-of-two Shy Chrioni shares that this is what happened in her neighborhood - that the kids eventually thought that what they see was okay and tried it with their siblings.
Dra. Nespral insists, "Restraint is key." To walk in on parents once is understandable, but if this happens often, kids may think it's okay to watch during sex! Yikes!
Do you have any caught-in-the-act stories you want to share? Tell us how you handled it, mommies!
READ: Benefits of early morning sex you may not know about