Emotional neglect often sounds like: “I’m doing this for your own good.” and “You think you have it hard?”
Some of us grew up with phrases like these echoing through our homes. Often said with authority, sometimes even with love. But not all guidance is emotionally supportive. And not all tough love is actually love.
This isn’t about blaming our parents or guardians. Most did the best they could with the tools they had. But emotional neglect isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes, it hides in plain sight within the words spoken to us day after day.
If you heard these kinds of phrases growing up, you might have lacked the emotional support you needed as a child. Recognizing that is the first step in giving yourself what you didn’t get back then.
Let’s explore 8 common phrases that might point to an emotionally unsupportive upbringing.
The Hidden Language of Emotional Neglect: 8 Phrases
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase can leave a child second-guessing their feelings for years.
Instead of learning how to process emotions in a healthy way, kids who hear this often learn to suppress or question their reactions. Over time, it can erode emotional confidence and lead to shame around vulnerability.
2. “What do you have to be sad about?”
This may come from a place of frustration, but it invalidates a child’s experience.
It teaches them that only “big” problems deserve attention, which can leave them feeling unseen. Emotions don’t need to be justified to be real. Children especially need space to feel without being made to explain themselves.
3. “You’re fine. Get over it.”
Dismissal disguised as toughness.
This phrase ignores the fact that emotional wounds don’t heal by ignoring them. When children hear this regularly, they may learn to downplay their needs or avoid reaching out for help even as adults.
4. “You always make things about you.”
When a child expresses a need or emotion and is met with this kind of response, they may internalize the belief that their presence is a burden.
It teaches them that their emotions are inconvenient, which can make it difficult to form healthy, reciprocal relationships later in life.
5. “Don’t talk back.”
There’s a difference between disrespect and disagreement.
Children who are shut down when trying to express themselves often learn to stay quiet even when it matters. Emotional support means creating space for dialogue, not just obedience.
6. “Other kids have it worse.”
Comparing pain doesn’t make anyone feel better.
This phrase minimizes a child’s struggle and teaches them that unless they’re in crisis, they don’t deserve support. Empathy isn’t a competition. It’s about meeting someone where they are.
7. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
This can be true, but when overused, it’s a way to shut down curiosity or emotional discussion.
It tells children that their perspective doesn’t matter yet, reinforcing a sense of powerlessness. Support means explaining things in a way they can understand, not putting up emotional walls.
8. “You’re lucky you even have parents.”
This one stings.
It turns love into a transaction. Instead of being a source of security, it makes affection feel conditional. Every child deserves care without being made to feel indebted for it.
The Hidden Language of Emotional Neglect: 8 Phrases
If these phrases sound familiar, you’re not alone.
Emotional neglect isn’t always about what’s done. It’s often about what’s not said, what’s not acknowledged. The good news? Awareness is powerful. You can now choose to speak to yourself, and others, in ways that heal, rather than harm.
Originally published on theAsianparent Singapore
