These 15 hilarious husband tweets will make you LOL

Can you relate to any of these funny husband tweets?

1.

My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless. It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth — Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014

2.

Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can’t think of a good comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain] — Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 6, 2016

3.

When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” People always clap when she wakes up. — Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2015

4.

[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It’s not one of ours. [we fist bump] — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015

5.

I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… Were you fired?? — Boyd’s Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) March 26, 2015

Click to the next page for more funny husband tweets!

6.

accountant: “youre basically broke”
wife: “he keeps spending money on stupid stuff”
me: “lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid” — k e e t (@KeetPotato) October 27, 2015

7.

Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries. Wife: Congratulations. [2 hours later] Me: We have nothing to eat in this house. — Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016

8.

Coffee is like marriage. First it’s really hot. Then it’s just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things. — Josh Hara (@yoyoha) July 17, 2012

9.

Txt from wife: where r u
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos — Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015

10.

Wife: What are you thinking about? Me: *pauses daydream about zombie ninjas fighting cyborg Nazis from the future* You. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2016

Click to the next page for more funny husband tweets!

11.

Wife: Wow, I’m tired
Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I’ll make dinner
[Five minutes later]
Me: Honey, I think we’re out of…”oven”? — Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) November 3, 2013

12.

ME: There’s no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share — Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016

13.

*rolls over & taps wife’s shoulder to wake her* So it was “An American Tail” & not ‘Tale’ because Fievel was a mouse, right? — Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 4, 2015

14.

I just googled, “how to get away with killing my husband” on @IMKristenBell phone. Just in case. Now there’s a record.
— dax shepard (@daxshepard1) May 11, 2015

15.

ME: isn’t this great??
WIFE: not really
ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what’s wrong — local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) November 3, 2015

READ:10 Funny parenting tweets

Be sure to check out theAsianparent Community for more insightful stories, questions, and answers from parents and experts alike. If you have any insights, questions or comments regarding the topic, please share them in our Comment box below. Like us on Facebook and follow us on Google+ to stay up-to-date on the latest from theAsianparent.com Philippines!

Got a parenting concern? Read articles or ask away and get instant answers on our app. Download theAsianparent Community on iOS or Android now!

Written by

Cristina Morales

Become a Contributor

Englishhusband tweets