This mommy shares some tips on having your own house with your husband or simply the importance of pagbubukod when you’re already married.
What can you read in this article?
- Importance of “pagbubukod” with your husband
- 3 C key points on having your own house with your husband
We’ve been hearing a lot of stories and advice that “pagbubukod” plays a very important role in our family lives. We have different reasons and in different situations regarding this matter.
We’ve heard conflicts, misunderstandings, financial challenges, and parenting confusions while living with in-laws. Are you comfortable with it?
Have you asked your spouse if s/he’s comfortable too? During Wedding Ceremonies, we also hear that even in the Bible, it is mentioned that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Why should you leave and cleave once you entered the world of marriage? How is this applicable in our lives today? How can this affect our growth and decision-making as husbands/wives, as parents, and as an individual? Why is it so important to leave and cleave?
First, what does “leave” mean? It means ‘going away from’. Hence, “leaving his father and mother” means leaving them physically, financially, and mentally especially in decision-making.
You’ll need to stand on your own now as you build your own family with your spouse. Now, what does “cleave” mean? It means ‘to stay very close to’ or to join your spouse and become as one.
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Let me share with you 3 C key points for us to fully understand the importance (and advantages) of leaving and cleaving or having your own house
1. Confidence
Having your own house with your husband gives you a high confidence level in moving in the house. Because technically, you and your husband or spouse are the people in the house. You guys will confidently fulfill your roles and responsibilities as a wife/husband and as a parent to your kids.
“Hindi kayo mahihiyang kumilos kapag nandyan sila sa tabi mo dahil ang asawa at anak mo lang ang nakakakita, walang ibang mata at walang ibang tenga.”
“Walang maiilang at walang mahihiya. Confident kang magdidisiplina sa mga bata, confident ka sa mga lulutuin mo, confident ka sa pagba-budget mo at confident ka sa style mo ng paglalaba.”
All of your actions and decisions will be between you and your husband or your wife only. There will be no one to be pinpointed at or to be blamed at if your decisions might not work because it’s just you two.
2. Comfort
Secondly, it is important that you’re comfortable. A home must be a place where you can relax and not a source of stress. Your home is your comfort zone and in your comfort zone, you can move freely.
You can act well and not think about what others will say to you. Also, you memorize all of the corners of your house, there is no restricted area. If there’s a missing thing, you can easily see it and there is nothing to blame to take.
No one will judge you if you got up in bed late because of tiredness, or when your foot is raised while watching. There’s no one will judge you if when you have left something to wash in the sink or your laundry has reached the afternoon because you put your child first.
If you want to relax and have a food delivery, you surely can do that! When you want to go out with your family and take a walk, it’s okay and you cannot hear side comments from others.
If you want to open your aircon or have a movie marathon or eat ‘pancit canton’, you can easily do it. And of course, you’ll have passionate discussions and more intimate time with your spouse any time you prefer.
3. Confusion
This is the number one thing we avoid as parents and as spouses. We can experience confusion because we will receive many opinions and many reactions from others.
First, confusion with your spouse as to what decision you will make, whether breastfeeding or bottle-fed, whether to use cloth diapers or disposable diapers, whether private school or public school.
The same goes for our children. When there are many leaders and many teachers, they also confuse who they really should follow, who is really right.
It is forbidden to watch TV in the morning, chichirya is forbidden or what is served on the table must be eaten. With this, the child will follow what is in their favor, this can also result in disobedience to their parents.
These are the three key points that we must understand para maluwag sa puso ang pagbukod bilang mag asawa as you start building your own family.
Mahirap mag umpisa, madaming kino-consider lalo ang pera. But know that “In. Obedience, God gives blessings”. He will bless us more when we obey He’s instructions.
He will provide for our family and he will fix every relationship we have even with our in-laws. Some situations, wala nang kasama ang senior sa bahay, that’s okay. But remember, this shouldn’t be your permanent setup and take note of your boundaries.
We love our parents, we love our in-laws, and of course we love our own family. Gusto natin hands-on tayo sa pamilyang binuo natin. Ang Leaving and Cleaving ay iwas conflict at iwas complication dahil sa palasyo isa lang ang Hari at isa lang ang Reyna.
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