We are finally beginning to understand the importance of emotional health and how it affects the body and mind in the long run. When you have a high emotional quotient, you are more capable of handling tasks, being a team player and developing skills to handle complicated situations.
And that’s a necessary requirement over and above intelligence quotient (IQ), which has been given more importance for the longest time. However, the impact of a well-rounded upbringing cannot be said enough.
Emotional intelligence or EQ starts developing from a young age, and the earlier you are able to help your child process their emotions, the better they will be at handling themselves. Not just in terms of relationships but work commitments, conflicts and challenges that life will throw at them in the years to come.
Do remember, an emotionally secure child will grow up to be more confident and self-aware. And that’s a big step up for them to grow in life.
Here’s how to raise a secure child emotionally and help them with their emotional quotient over time.
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1. Listen and Communicate
Encourage your child to speak to you every day. Before you put them off to sleep, you can talk to them about their day went.
Try to keep the questions more specific to get clear responses. Children possibly won’t know what’s bothering them so it will take some digging from your end. Try asking specific questions like, “what did you have for lunch today?” or “What games did you play in the recess.” This is likely to get them to open up a bit.
Try to empathise with your child and share anecdotes from your own child. A funny incident or a mistake that you made with a moral lesson, is always great a connector between a parent and a child. You can share a moral without making it sound like a sermon.
You also need to be the better person constantly as a parent. If you snap at your child, take a moment and accept your mistake. More importantly, apologise to your child.
When parents apologise to their children, it helps kids realise that their feelings matter. It also teaches them that mistakes are a part of life but the important thing is to accept and rectify the same.
Parents also need to remember that do not over-praise or over-criticise children. It also leads to counterproductive results.
2. Explain your expectations
Your child isn’t a trophy that needs to be flawless. They are their own person and will learn and grow with time. So keeping skyrocket expectations is just futile for the child’s growth.
When making an effort to correct poor behaviour, always explain why are you doing it. So, if you want to stop them from breaking things, you can say. “You should not throw that toy on the floor as it will break and that’s bad behaviour.”
This is a way better answer than simply saying “Don’t do it.”
Parents also need to consciously make an effort to avoid yelling and spanking. While it may stop the wrong behaviour at the moment, it isn’t making any tangible change towards rectifying the child’s behaviour.
When you maintain a calm tone, the child will listen to you carefully and grasp the rationale behind what you are trying to say.
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3. Empathise with your child
Children go through so much in school, classes and the playground. What may seem like an innocent issue may mean the world to them.
Instead of shrugging their issue as nothing, you are closing doors to open communication with your child. Instead, begging to empathise with them when they get angry or act out.
Try saying, “I know you are upset because you didn’t get ice cream. But you need to finish your dinner first.” You can also say, “I know that’s your favourite toy but you only have to share it with your friend for some time.”
When you empathise with your child’s feelings, you help them process their own emotions with other people.
4. Restrict and set boundaries
It’s important to set boundaries, and as a parent, you need to be firm about it. Kids need to realise that there are certain restrictions that they need to follow and they cannot get away with not following them.
Getting children in line though is never an easy task. So do expect temper tantrums, hysterical crying and lots of pleading. However, remember that you are the parent and you will need to remain firm with the boundaries to get the child to fall in line.
5. Negotiate with your child
Much like adults, communicating with kids also requires negotiation and compromise. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Instead, think of it as kids being able to think and make their own decisions, even if it means negotiating with you, the parent. Hear them out and believe it or not, most often kids do have something reasonable to say.
“Yes, you can step out to play but only after you clean your room.” or “You can have ice cream after dinner but finish the greens on your plate first.”
Make it clear that you have the final say and the child needs to follow the same.
Originally published by The Asian Parent Singapore